Northern Downpour
by bicyclesarecool
Summary: Edward Masen has just moved to the rainy town of Forks, thinking that his life is over...that is until he meets the incredible, but troubled Bella Swan and her friends. A story about finding yourself where you never thought you could. a bit OOC, AH, EPOV
1. Chapter 1

_Hello! I had previously uploaded this story under another username, but never finished it. I've decided to delete it and re-work it in a way that I feel works better. _

* * *

**June 13th - 6:00 A.M.**

"Edward, can you grab that last box from the kitchen, please?" My mother called from the back of the moving truck. I obliged, wiping the sweat from my brow on my holey t-shirt. It was hot for early morning.

I glanced sadly around our now empty home...so many memories made and we were leaving it all.

For _Forks_.

I didn't have much of a problem with the town itself-I hadn't actually been there yet- but I didn't know how well I was going to be able to adapt to small town life. I was so used with the hustle and bustle of Chicago, the large sprawling city.

I had a feeling I was going suffocate in the rainy town. My parents were excited for the change, they thought of it as an adventure, a golden opportunity.

I put on a brave face for them. My mother was so happy to be moving-her old friend lived in the town and was the one who recommended we move. She had been the one that had broken the news about a law office that had just been opened and they were looking for a partner. Of course, my father got the job immediately.

I crouched down to lift the box. It wasn't heavy, labeled _towels_ in my mother's neat, curvy lettering. This was it. The last time I'd set foot in the only home I'd ever known. The dents that marked my growing height near the stairway were visible from the door. My stomach felt heavy with grief.

"Edward! Are you all set?" I was snapped out of my reverie by my father's voice shouting from near his car.

Taking a deep breath, I made my way over to him, handed him the box and got into my new, shiny silver Volvo.

That was also another factor of my keeping quiet about the apprehension I felt about the uprooting of our lives. I got a car-a fast car, as a gift for my upcoming 17th birthday. It was upsetting to me that we'd be out of Chicago the second week of June, just seven days before it.

The Volvo was my pride and joy and I was contented at the fact that I'd get to drive it for the day and a half trip. It would give me time to try and accept the fact that my life could quite possibly be over. I was convinced that Forks would be my downfall. I knew I'd be lonely, I mean, I wasn't even able to make many friends here, though I'd lived in Chicago all my life.. I had school friends- the ones that talked to me at lunch and chatted with me during classes, but I never saw them outside of the classrooms.

I started the car and the engine purred to life. I turned on the stereo, plugging my iPod into it, letting the soft strumming of an acoustic guitar release the breath I'd been holding.

* * *

We pulled off the highway, my mother was jabbering on the other end of my cell phone about the trip so far. I was tired, my legs were cramped and I had gone through my entire bag of chips and two cups of coffee in the first four hours and so I was starving.

So, around five o' clock, we'd just gotten through Wisconsin and into Minnesota, and my parents decided that it was finally time to grab something to eat and we'd get a hotel room once we reached South Dakota. We wouldn't get there until late, but we would reach Forks by late afternoon.

"How was the drive, Son?" My father asked once we were situated in a booth at an Applebees, looking over the menus.

"It was...peaceful," I told him. It was _mostly _truthful. I spent it listening to music and trying to think of the plus side of the move. The more I thought about it, the more stressed and nervous I became.

I was more anxious than before.

Mom just smiled apologetically, knowing that this was hard on me. She always knew.

Dinner was mostly quiet on my part, but the talking never ceased between my parents. My dad was excited to be starting work the following Monday and my mother was busy making lists of things she needed to get done once we'd arrived.

"We'll call you when we get close to the hotel, Edward!" My mother called, climbing into the car as my dad got into the moving van after dinner. I got into my own vehicle and we were off again, onto the never ending highways.

The hotel was nice, the bed had soft sheets and I immediately passed out after glancing at the clock on the bedside table, its faint glow telling me it was already two in the morning.

I dreamt that night, which was something I normally didn't do. In the dream, it was completely green and wet around-it was uncomfortable. Suffocating.

_"Edward!" The voice was melodic, calling from somewhere above me. _

_"Catch me!" And something came flying out of nowhere, falling from the trees, in a flash of brown, into my open arms. It was a girl. She placed a small kiss  
on my neck and I smiled._

"_Edward...Edward?" Everything was starting to fade._

"Edward Masen!" I jolted awake to see my mother standing over me, shaking her head before walking away. According to the clock, it was only six in the morning.

I groaned, but got up and headed into the gigantic bathroom and stripped down to get into the hot spray of the shower. Yawning loudly, I scrubbed away the grime and sweat from yesterday, washing my bronze hair with the hotel shampoo. I was still half asleep as I got dressed and such and I wasn't fully conscious until I had two cups of coffee in me.

* * *

My mind was fully on the dream for the entire rest of the drive. I couldn't figure out who the girl was, where we were or what was even happening. And that voice. With a voice like that-even hazy in my mind now-I would not have fully forgotten it. It was beautiful. And I wasn't sure if I was creative enough to dream up an imaginative person...but...it was the only solution I could think of at the moment. My phone rang around two, it was my mother.

Apparently, we had only a half hour left to go. I was glad it wasn't raining.

Yet.

I plugged my iPod back in from letting it charge and in no time at all, I saw the sign.

_Welcome to Forks!_

I grimaced and followed my parents through the town. People on the streets blatantly stared as we drove though. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that people didn't move here often. My stomach flipped as I sunk down further into my seat.

We passed by countless home-lined roads. Little kids played in sprinklers and tossed footballs back and forth in the large yards that I never had. And there were trees _everywhere_.

The moving van finally turned down a long road, and pulled to a stop towards the middle of it. It was a nicely sized, older looking, white paneled house with a large front porch. Next to us was and pretty much identical home, but more of a beige color with a wraparound porch.

I smiled in spite of myself. It felt like it could be home.

Getting out of the car, I hoped to not unpack right away, and was making my way to the front door.

"Edward! No not, you. I meant our son, silly." She laughed when my dad popped his head out of the back of the truck. "The truck is due back by six tonight, so let's get a move on!" I sighed tiredly, but of course started lifting things out of the back.

Once we finished on the truck, Mom and Dad drove the van and my Volvo to the rental place in Port Angeles, leaving me to finish unpacking the very full  
SUV.

I was sweating a lot by then; even overcast it was terribly hot and humid. I was down by the curb, lifting a box full of clothes when I saw them.

There was a big, brunette guy driving the red truck slowly, laughing loudly, and hanging his arm out of the open window. The tall blonde boy sitting next to him was halfway out of the passenger window, also chuckling. Two girls sat in the truck bed; the statuesque blonde girl dressed in a wet, red tank top was holding a pair of shorts and an orange t-shirt, waving it over the edge. The short, pixie-like one was just shouting, "C'mon, Bella! Run faster!" They fell into hysterics.

"Yeah, Bella! If you want your clothes and truck back, you have to catch us!" The blonde girl called between breaths. The truck had just passed me when I turned toward the direction they were yelling in. A brunette, clad in only her underwear and bra was racing up the street, stumbling every few yards. My eyes widened.

"GUYS! GIVE ME BACK MY STUFF! NOT COOL." She wasn't paying much attention and I was too struck by the fact that there was a beautiful, half naked girl running towards me.

We were on the ground in a matter of seconds.

"Oh, shit! Are you okay?!" She screeched, scrambling to get off of me, her wet, mahogany hair dripping onto my face.

"Ah, um, yeah. Fine." She grasped onto my large hand with her small one, helping me to my feet.

"Sorry...hey, are you moving in here?" She jerked her thumb towards my new house. I nodded as she grinned.

"Well, I'm Bella Swan, your brand new, next door neighbor!" The girl, Bella, grabbed my hand again, shaking it wildly.

"I'm Edward. Edward Masen." Her beautiful smile widened as the truck came to a stop beside us. The two boys up front looked curiously at me as the girls waved kindly. I waved back.

"Well, later, Masen," Bella called over her shoulder, climbing into the truck bed. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She blew me a kiss before snatching her soaked shirt from the blonde and pulling it over her head. The pixie-like one gave me a quick, secretive wink as they headed straight down the street and into town.

Later, when my parents arrived back home, my father asked if I had met any of the neighbors.

"Bella Swan," I offered. "She's about my age." My mother glanced at me sideways as she put dishes away in a cabinet.

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, please Mother. " This was typical of her. I had never had a girlfriend, never gone on a date. Girls my age bored me but also terrified me. They were beautiful and awkward and could sometimes be vicious. Why should Bella Swan be any different?


	2. Chapter 2

**June 14th- 9:00 A.M.  
**

I hadn't gotten much sleep that first night, on account of the rain that had come around midnight and didn't stop until after five. I expected to just spend the next day alone in my room, moping and unpacking; just letting the reality of everything set it.

I wasn't expecting Bella Swan to be standing on my doorstep that morning, wearing a pair of bright, red shorts, a blue t-shirt and a baseball cap with "Forks High" adorning the front in faded print.

"Uhm, hi," I said, awkwardly, suddenly overly aware of the fact that I was in my ratty pajamas.

"Hey," she said casually, glancing past me, looking inside the house. "We were going to go play some baseball. You should come."

"Err...okay, sure, let me get changed first." She laughed lightly as she finally let her eyes settle on my clothes.

I bounded up the stairs two at a time, half anxious to get back to Bella and half terrified of having to socialize with strangers for who knows how long. I threw on some shorts and one of the only t-shirts I had unpacked so far. My hair was hopeless so I didn't even bother with it.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Bella was standing in the door frame, tossing a baseball from hand to hand.

"You ready?"

"Yeah...Mom, I'm leaving!" I called into the house before I ushered Bella out the door quickly so she wouldn't have to be interrogated by my mother.

We walked down my driveway and into the street in a comfortable silence; save for Bella's muted humming.

"We need to stop on the way to grab my friend, okay?" she said. I nodded as she turned up a driveway three houses down. I wasn't sure if I should follow or not, so I stayed in the street, watching as Bella skipped up to the door and opened it, not even bothering to knock.

She disappeared behind the red door and came back out moments later with the raven- haired girl hot on her heels.

"Alice, Edward. Edward, this is my best friend in whole world, Miss Alice Brandon."

Alice gave me an appraising look, her gray eyes contemplating as she pursed her lips thoughtfully.

"Everyone else is already there," Bella said, breaking us away from the silence that had settled.

"Okay...so, Edward, how do you like the _ever exciting_ Forks?" I smiled at Alice's question and told her it was just fine so far. I mean, I was already doing better than I had in Chicago...I was making friends.

"So did you ever hear back from Newton?" Alice asked her friend, nonchalantly. Bella scowled.

"No. He's a bastard let's not even talk about it right now."

"Right, okay," Alice said as we reached the end of the street and started down a narrow path that led into the forest ahead. The path was uneven, mud from last night's rain covered a lot of it. Everything smelled fresh and new, like you would imagine how the color green smells.

After about five minutes on the path, a booming laugh echoed through the endless green of the woods.

"EMMETT," a female voice cried suddenly.

"I wonder what he did this time," Alice mused before breaking into a jog to get to the opening in the trees that was now coming into view. Bella bit her lip and continued walking slowly, looking at her feet.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly, falling into step with her. She looked up at me suddenly, her brown eyes surprised.

"Oh, yeah, I just…can't run that well…I have no coordination whatsoever." I laughed quietly.

"I know." Her expression screamed confusion, but I noticed a flash of recognition as she realized what I was referring to.

"I'm really sorry about yesterday, by the way," she murmured as a slight pink blush overtook her cheeks.

"I didn't mind," I laughed, her face turned bright red. I instantly regretted it. _Great now she probably thinks I'm some horny idiot. _"I mean, like, if you hadn't run me over, I'd be stuck inside right now, unpacking and being _bored._"

"Yeah, well, now the teams are even," she said and smiled kindly as we stepped out of the trees and into a large, grassy clearing. The grass was still wet but there wasn't too much mud. There were trashcan lids set up as bases in the center of the field.

Alice was getting a piggy back ride from the blond boy I'd seen yesterday and the fair-haired girl was wiping chunks of mud from her arm. The big muscle-bound boy—or man I should say—was running in our direction.

"BELLA!"

"EMMETT!"

"I MISSED YOU!"

"I SAW YOU LESS THAN AN HOUR AGO, BUT I MISSED YOU, TOO!" Bella laughed, launching herself into his open arms.

"Everyone," Bella began once Emmett had set her down. "This is Edward Masen. Edward, this is everyone." I smiled timidly as Emmett took a step towards me.

"I'm Emmett, don't piss me off." I laughed nervously but the blond guy snorted as he came over to us, Alice still on his back.

"Ed, don't listen to him, he's a wimp. I'm Jasper, by the way, and that's my sister and Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie." He gestured to the girl who was approaching us.

"And you've already met me!" Alice chirped. I laughed and nodded. "Anyways, I have decided it will be Bella, Edward and me versus Jasper, Rose and Emmett." Jasper pulled a coin out of his pocket and Alice called heads as it was in midair.

"Heads," Bella announced just as it hit the ground. "We bat first."

Everyone got into their positions while Alice grabbed a small, metal bat and stood at the base. Emmett threw the ball faster than I'd ever thought possible. Alice swung the bat lightly, and the large crack that sounded when the ball hit the bat's surface surprised me. As Jasper ran after the ball, Alice practically floated to first base.

Emmett threw the ball considerably more slowly for Bella than he had for Alice this time, but she still missed. And missed. And missed.

"OUT!" Jasper shouted. Bella grimaced as she handed me the bat.

"Good try," I offered, but only got an eye roll. I stepped up to the plate and Emmett showed no mercy.

I had never been more happy for the ten years I had played on a baseball team in Chicago.

"Home run!" Rosalie called as the ball went flying into the woods. She caught Emmett's eye, jerked her head in the direction of the ball and he was off to retrieve it.

"_Whipped!_" Jasper shouted, causing his sister to smirk proudly as I rounded third base and made it home.

"Nice, Edward!" Alice smiled, giving me a high five.

"Yeah, Masen, that was a great hit," Bella praised, patting my arm.

"Okay! Batter up!" Emmett shouted, returning with the ball.

Our game lasted for a good three hours before we all collapsed in the center of the field, holding out stomachs in starvation induced agony.

"Come on, let's go to the diner." Emmett had decided, standing up and grasping Rose's hand in his. Alice jumped onto Jasper's back as she  
had earlier and followed them into the woods.

"Shall we?" I asked, holding out my arm to Bella.

"We shall," Bella agreed in a horribly fake British accent before looping her arm through mine.

"So, tell me everything," Bella said as we made our way back though the forest.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, tell me about your friends, favorite color, family, why you moved here," she prattled on, wanting to know about every single insignificant detail of my life. "Tell me about your old life." Her eyes were alight with an excitement that seemed strange to me.

"Well, I lived in Chicago all my life. My mom stayed at home with me while I was growing upand my dad worked at a law firm downtown. School was nice, I suppose. I didn't make many friends but I enjoyed my time there, I was on the baseball team and in some honors classes. Pretty average I guess."

"You miss it," she murmured, her voice a bit sad.

"Yeah, a little...but Forks isn't so bad,"

"I guess not," she bit her lip and launched into another series of random questions, effectively distracting me from asking what was wrong.

As we finally caught up with the others at a diner on a main road, I kept getting looks from Alice, her eyes holding an expression I couldn't understand.

"Food!" Bella groaned as we filed in, the wonderful, greasy smells overwhelmed my senses, my stomach growling in anticipation. We snagged a booth in the far corner of the restaurant, I sat between Bella and Emmett as Alice, Jasper and Rosalie sat across from us.

"That was a wicked game, guys. We smoked you three," Bella announced, causing Rosalie to roll her eyes.

"Yeah, you did great," Emmett muttered.

"Only because Edward was on our team," Alice giggled. My face grew a little warm at the attention.

"I don't know, Alice, you were pretty great yourself." She beamed at the compliment and everyone fell into a comfortable conversation, playful banter flying back and forth.

And I was included in it. I didn't feel awkward about it like I had back in Chicago, but it felt like I was supposed to be here-that I belonged  
here.

"Well, well, well. Look who it is." Rosalie muttered, taking a bite of the salad she'd gotten. We all turned around to see a blonde kid and a short, poofy-haired brunette enter the diner.

Bella hissed, glowering at the two. She actually _hissed_. It was kind of hilarious but kind of terrifying.

"Hi Bella!" the girl squealed. Her voice was too high, too nasally.

"Hey, Jessica." Her tone was flat. "Hi, Mike."

"Oh, um, hey," he said distractedly, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"We''ll be right back," Bella told us before climbing over Emmett, grabbing Mike by the collar and dragging him outside. I expected Jessica to  
follow but she slid into the booth next to Emmett and began chattering to Rosalie, who kept shooting Alice _kill-me _looks.

"And who are you?" she purred, I think, her gaze settling on me.

"Edward Masen," I responded.

"I'm Jessica Stanley," She winked and then stared at me expectantly.

"Okay." There was a beat of silence and when I didn't say anything else, Alice snorted. Jessica glared at her.

"Jessica, I think you should go make sure Bella doesn't kill your boyfriend." Rosalie offered, pointing outside the window.

Bella was yelling at him, her finger poking him in the chest repeatedly and Mike looked like none of it mattered to him, a cocky smirk stuck on his face.

"Come on guys, let's go." Emmett threw some cash on the table and we all made our way outside.

"You don't call me for like a week, and you show up here with _Jessica Stanley_?" Bella practically spit the girls name onto the sidewalk.

"Well, I-" Mike began but was cut off by a slap.

"Jesus, Bella. I can't believe you didn't see this happening. You weren't putting out, what was I supposed to do?" It was obvious that this was solid reasoning to Mike. Emmett stepped between the two of them and lunged at him. Mike made a whimpering sound and fell backwards onto the ground. Emmett laughed.

"Come on, honey, let's get you home," he murmured soothingly, turning around and patting Bella's back. She blinked quickly and started walking down the street. Alice caught up with her and started whispering to her. The rest of the group wasn't far behind.

I didn't know whether to stay or go with them, so I just kind of stood in the parking lot with Mike and Jessica, who was fluttering around him, asking, "What the hell was that about!?"

I stood awkwardly, shifting my weight from foot to foot, before sighing and following after them, in the direction of home. I'd lost sight of everyone, and was worried I wouldn't be able to remember exactly how to get to my house.

To my immense surprise, Bella was standing on a street corner, smiling apologetically at me.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have run off like that-I forgot you didn't really know your way around yet."

"No problem." We started walking down the street, a sprinkling of rain starting to fall on us. "Are you okay?" She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth before responding.

"I will be. I always am." She smiled weakly and before I could ask her what she meant, the rain picked up. A lot. "Dammit!" she shouted and began to pick up our pace.

She ran clumsily alongside me as I held onto her hand tightly. We laughed loudly as we sprinted through the pounding rain, getting soaked along the way.

We were halfway down our street when she tripped, bringing me down with her. I tried to catch her on the way down, my back slamming onto the road and her landing with a thud on my chest.

"Well, this is familiar," she giggled, but didn't attempt to get up. I was overwhelmed by her proximity.

"BELLA SWAN!" Her head whipped around towards her house.

"Shit," she muttered, "I have to go. I'll see you later, Edward." I watched her get up and try and run the twenty yards to her home. I could faintly see a woman, who I assumed was her mother, standing on the porch, a look of disdain on her face. I walked slowly to my own house, announcing my arrival when I opened the front door.

"Edward? Where were you?" My mother came into the foyer, a vase in her hand.

"I was out with some friends."

"Oh, well, that's nice." I excused myself and went upstairs to shower and change my clothes.

When I was finished, I decided that I should probably start unpacking my things, which were packed in about eight boxed stacked in the corner of my room. I opened the window in an attempt to cool the hot, humid room.

I only got through three boxes before I heard the singing.

_And when you're gone, will they say your name?  
And when you're gone, will they love you the same?  
If not, that's okay...  
If not, that's okay..._

The voice was beautiful and familiar...I stood up and made my way to the window only to see Bella sitting on her bed through the open window of her room. Her back was to me, totally oblivious that she had an audience as she sang along and read. I sat beneath my window for hours, like a creep, listening to her sing at least thirty songs. A lot of them I knew, and couldn't resist singing along quietly. I was entranced by Bella Swan and that was bad. I couldn't screw up this friendship I'd somehow acquired.

And so after she stopped singing, when I was falling asleep, I tried to ignore thoughts of her.

I tried to ignore how pretty she was. How I'd only seen her long hair messy and wild and wet. How her hear shaped face was always a little flushed. How her eyes were so dark, they almost looked black.

I tried to ignore how her voice sounded when she sang, beautiful and strange.

I tried to ignore how my skin practically lit on fire every time she touched me.

And the next morning, I tried my hardest to ignore the fact that the girl in my dream was starting to become clearer and a little more brunette.

****

Song is **_That's Okay_**** by the Hush Sound**


	3. Chapter 3

**June 20th-12:07 P.M.**

"I can't believe you didn't tell me today was your birthday," Bella pouted, slapping my arm as I retrieved the mail and pulled out several cards. She had been coming over almost every day since the baseball game. She was set on helping me unpack and get settled, but we'd always end up in the living room, playing video games and eating all the food in my pantry.

"It's really not that big of a deal, Bella," I sighed, exasperated.

"Of course it's a big deal. It's not every day you turn seventeen."

I could only scoff as my form of disagreement.

"Let me at least throw you a party."

"Bella, that's the worst part about birthdays," I said, walking back to my house with her trailing behind me.

"You could at least come over tonight and hang out with everyone. It'll be so chill, I promise. I'll even bake you a cake," she said, giving me her biggest grin.

"Fine," I said. "But only because of the cake."

"Good enough for me. See you at six." And with that she, was making her way next door, cell phone already pressed to her ear. I was laughing as I went  
inside, where my mother stood inside the door way, staring at me.

"I'm spending tonight with my friends," I pseudo-explained. She only nodded and went on to dust the foyer.

"I'm leaving !" I yelled into the house before going next door. I rang the bell, a bit anxious. I'd never seen the inside of Bella's house before.

"Coming! Just a s-ouch! Ow, ow, ow!" I opened the door, wanting to make sure she hadn't hurt herself too badly. I could only laugh when I found her on the ground, somehow wrapped in a dark green rug.

"Will you shut up and help me!?" she growled. I did what she said.

"Where's everyone else?"

"They should be here any minute...come on, I have to finish decorating your cake." I followed her into the kitchen and watched her spread blue frosting on a  
chocolate cake for a moment before letting myself take in the surroundings. The Swans' house was…bare. There were no pictures on the white walls. No knick knacks. Nothing. Just beige counters and cabinets, standard appliances. The dining table was average—small, square and surrounded by four matching chairs.

In the next room I could see a small, blue couch and a matching recliner around a small television, with a coffee table in the center of everything. That was all that was in the room. The whole place didn't feel like a home.

"How long have you lived here?" I asked.

"Since I was three," she said, not looking up from the cake.

"Oh, wow," I replied. "That's a long time." Bella didn't respond. I thought it was strange, to be in a house almost fourteen years and not decorate. Our house now even had family pictures on shelves. My mother had even begun to paint the walls in our living room.

The doorbell rang and I offered to go let everyone in.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EDWARD!" Alice squealed excitedly, throwing herself at me when I opened the door.

"Thank you, Alice," I responded politely, setting her on her feet.

"Hey Bella," Emmett shouted from the rear of the pack. Bella stuck her head out from the doorway.

"Hey, guys. Jasper, could you come here for a sec? Everyone else, go ahead and get comfortable in the living room." She disappeared again into another room connected to the kitchen.

We all found a space to sit around the room and chatted about nothing until Bella and Jasper emerged from the other room. Bella picked up the cake and began slowly walking into the living room, with Jasper following her with plates and forks and napkins. Bella was biting her lip in concentration and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that she was trying incredibly hard not to drop the cake or trip. She carefully set it down on the coffee table and looked into my eyes.

"Happy birthday to you," she began, a smirk taking residence on her face, her eyes bright.

"Happy birthday to you," everyone chimed in, smiling at my embarrassment. "Happy birthday, dear Edward...happy birthday to you!"

"Make a wish," Bella whispered in my ear. I wished that my pulse would stop racing and blew out the candles. Alice clapped enthusiastically and swiped the knife from Bella's hands.

"We don't want a trip to the emergency room, now do we?" Alice giggled, cutting large slices of the cake as Bella glared.

"Horror," Emmett offered. Alice shot down his idea as soon as the word left his mouth.

"Romance," she said as an alternative and she too, was shot down. We were trying to decide on a movie to watch, already each in a food coma from eating almost the entire cake.

"Comedy!" Bella trilled, jumping up from her spot between me and Emmett. Before anyone could interject, the opening credits had already started. Bella settled back into her seat, having no problem using me as a pillow. My wish still hadn't come true yet as she rested her head on my shoulder.

Alice, from her spot on Jasper's lap on the arm chair, caught my eye. She wore a sly smile and that ever-present knowing look in her eye.

"What?" I mouthed. She just shrugged and turned her attention back to the movie. I would ask her about it later. I would make sure of it. A loud laugh escaped from Bella's mouth, piquing my interest in the movie once again.

"What did you wish for?" Bella whispered randomly about half-way through the film.

"Not telling," I hissed teasingly.

"Why not?" she pouted.

"Because then it won't come true."

"Of course it will!"

"How would you know?"

"It just so happens that I wished for the same thing every time I threw a coin in a well, every time I saw a shooting star, every time I saw that it was eleven-eleven P.M. and every birthday I've had since I was fourteen and I told Alice what it was and guess what!"

"What?"

"It came true." She smirked.

"Oh, really?" I asked, smiling.

"Yep, so you're good to go on telling me what you wished for."

"Fine, but only because your story was so inspiring." Her grin of anticipation was wonderful. "I wished that you would forget every one of my birthdays for the rest of my life." Her smile disappeared.

"Jackass." I barked out a laugh causing her to start giggling uncontrollably and everyone else stare at us. We did not provide the explanation they were looking for.

"Whatever," Rosalie muttered, ignoring us again.

"Edward? Is that you?"

"Yeah, Mom," I replied, closing the door and fighting a yawn. It was past midnight and Bella had gotten me up early this morning.

"Did you have a nice time with your friends, dear?" she asked, guiding me to the kitchen.

"Mhmm, we watched a movie and Bella made me a cake."

"That was very nice of her." I nodded, and unsuccessfully fought the smile that appeared on my face. It did not escape my mother's notice.

"I'm going to bed," I announced, trying to avoid a long and awkward talk. She laughed loudly, knowing what I was doing, and kissed me goodnight.


	4. Chapter 4

**July 4th- 5:24pm**

"Emmett, you've reached a new level of stupidity!" Bella shouted from her bedroom window, her hair blowing wildly in the wind.

"C'mon, Bell! It's the fourth of July!" he defended, nudging me.

"Yeah! Let's have some fun!" I added. I could see her bite her lip, but her resolve weakened.

"Fine...let me get dressed, you get everyone else. And don't let my dad see those fireworks. He'll arrest you before you can say God Bless America." We laughed as we split up-he was going to get Rosalie and Jasper and I was getting Alice. I knocked on the bright, red door, still not comfortable enough to just waltz in like everyone else did.

Her mom answered, decked out in red, white and blue attire. Stars and stripes everywhere. Mrs. Brandon looked much like her daughter, on the short side, but plumper.

"Hello, Edward," she greeted politely, "are you here to see Alice?" I nodded. "Upstairs, first door on the right." After thanking her, I followed her instructions and found her room. The walls were pale yellow, but still too bright for the town and her furniture was all white and elegant. Her bedspread was just plain, light orange.

I wasn't surprised to see her in denim shorts and a white tank top covered with red and blue stars, dancing around her room, singing along to some song I'd never heard. I stood in the doorway for a good minute, trying not to laugh and when she turned around and saw me-her face was priceless.

"Omigod! Edward! Don't do that, god, I think I'm having a heart attack!" Tears were streaming down my face, I was laughing so hard. She glared at me and slapped my arm. Hard. "Did you need something or did you just come over to try to kill me?"

I took a deep, calming breath.

"Okay, so Emmett's cousin, Royce, sent him a package full of fireworks and stuff and so he wants to go set them off tonight. You're coming, right?" She grinned.

"Like I would miss _that_." She threw on her white tennis shoes and bounded down the stairs. I wasn't far behind. "Going out, ma! I'll probably stay at Rose's!" She didn't even wait for a response. We started walking in the direction of the field we'd played baseball in twice a week since I moved in.

I heard an undecipherable shout from right behind me and before I knew what was happening, I was falling forward with an added hundred pounds on my back. Lucky for me and her, I steadied myself and continued on walking.

"Isabella Swan, you'll be the death of me," I explained flatly.

"I'm sorry...can I have your music collection when you pass?" she teased.

"But of course. I've already written you into my will."

"Why thank you...but won't your mistress be unhappy that she won't get it all?" Bella frowned.

"As if there could be anyone but you, darling."

Alice turned around and began to say something but stopped when she saw whatever face Bella was making over my shoulder.

We kept walking, neither of us saying anything at all until we reached the clearing, where Rosalie and Alice were directing Jasper and Emmett on where to put coolers and lawn chairs.

"Rosie, it doesn't matter where they go," Emmett complained, dragging the heavy cooler across the clearing.

"Just put it under that tree, Em," she sighed, flicking her wrist in the direction of an old weeping willow. Jasper followed him slowly, weighed down by the chairs.

"Bella! Come sit!" Rosalie called from her spot on the seats that had just been set up. I felt Bella climb off my back and leave me standing alone on the other side of the clearing.

"Edward, my man. You want a beer?" Emmett asked, opening the blue cooler. I thought, why not? He tossed one to me before pulling another bottle out and tossing it to Bella, who opened it using the arm of her chair and taking a swig.

Feeling awkward standing so far away from everyone, I made my way over to Jasper, who was pulling a bag of chips out of a bag next to the cooler. I'd grown to like Jasper and Emmett. They were the most opposite people on Earth. Emmett was big and loud, he demanded attention while Jasper was quiet and reserved, preferring to fade into the background.

"Hey," Jasper nodded in my direction, not taking his eyes off Alice, who was fluttering around Bella, her mouth moving a mile a minute.

"Hi," I replied quietly. "So how long have you and Alice been together?"

"Since the seventh grade," he answered, a lazy grin appearing on his face. "She didn't even give me a choice, just made the announcement one day that I was her boyfriend. Best moment of my life." I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, she and Bella were weird ones back then," he chuckled, and the mention of Bella's name, I wanted him to explain further. I was thankful when he did.

"Yeah, she and Alice were practically born and raised here, best friends since they were potty trained. They were inseparable, still are. I mean, when I was declared Alice's boyfriend, Bella was always there, never leaving our sides. She's one of the best friends I've ever had-better than Emmett. She gets me, you know? I mean, her home life isn't the greatest and neither is mine, so we understand each other." I nodded.

"What's wrong at home?" I asked after a long silence. Jasper considered this for a moment.

"Just that my dad's in the military and stuff happens, it's actually a really long story that I'm not going to get into right now," he said in a rush, smiling.

"And you're probably not going to tell me about Bella's?" I assumed and got a nod in response. "I understand."

And I did, it wasn't his secret to tell.

"Ed! Jas!" Emmett boomed from where the girls were sitting. Our heads whipped around in his direction, just in time to see him wave us over. Jasper lifted Alice up when we got there and lay back on the chair, her situated between his legs. Bella patted a spot on the chair next her, gesturing for me to sit. I, of course, obliged.

"So, when do you think we can set these babies off?" Emmett asked, gesturing to the box next to his feet.

"Until other people do...less conspicuous...I don't want to get busted," Bella said, her eyes containing just a hint of worry.

"Babe, your daddy is the chief of police," Alice pointed out. "It's not like he's gonna arrest us."

"Uh, yeah. I guess you're right," she laughed nervously, glancing at Jasper, who nodded slightly in return.

Jasper was her Bella. The one she told everything to. He was _her_ best friend, her confidant, one of the most important people in her life.

Was it wrong that I wanted more than anything to take his place? Was it-

"Guys, it's game time," Rosalie announced as she stood up.

"YES!" Alice cried, jumping out of Jasper's grasp and then proceeded to dance around in a circle.

"Game time?" I asked, turning to Bella. She grinned.

"It's a tradition we instated when we were ten," she began. "Every Fourth of July, we played games until it was time for fireworks. And why stop because we grew a little?"

"That's cool," I said, not knowing what else to say. She laughed, getting to her feet.

"What's first?" Jasper asked, causing Emmett and Alice to start jumping up and down, waving their arms wildly.

"Just say it!" Rosalie sighed.

"RED ROVER!" they cheered in unison, grinning like fools.

"I CALL EMMETT!" Bella shouted, rushing to his side.

"Well, I call Edward!" Alice yelled, grabbing onto my arm.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Jasper asked with mock hurt. Alice laughed.

"Get over here, you," she giggled, holding out her hand to him.

"I always get picked last for this shit," Rosalie muttered walking over to Emmett and Bella, a few yards away. Once we were all in position, hands held tightly, Alice called the first name.

"Red rover, red rover, send Rosalie right over!" Rose sighed, but let go of Emmett's hand and started to sprint, aiming for mine and Alice's clasped hands.

Alice Brandon was surprisingly strong for such a small person, and held onto my hand so tight, I thought she was going to break it.

Rosalie Hale was also a fast runner. Like, track star fast.

I thought she dislocated my shoulder as she slammed into our connected arms, breaking them apart. Emmett cheered as she jogged her way back over to her spot.

"Red rover, red rover," Bella sang. "Send...Jasper right over!" He released Alice's hand and ran directly at the space between Emmett and _Bella_.

I was concerned for a brief moment. What if he hurt her?

Of course he didn't, though. He went towards Emmett more and broke through, Bella laughed and told him something in a low voice as he passed, causing him to smile and pat her head.

I tried very hard to suppress the jealousy.

"I can't believe nobody got hurt!" Alice breathed as we all lay on the ground. It was just after seven-thirty and we'd ended our game of Red Rover. She was right being shocked, seeing as how that game almost always ended in a bloody nose or sprained wrist.

"What next?" Bella asked, her head next to mine. We were situated in a circle, looking up at the sky. It was reaching twilight and the stars were starting to light up the sky.

"I say we play freeze tag," Jasper put in, causing shouts of agreements to arise from my friends.

"Okay, you gotta crawl under legs to unfreeze and if you're tagged twice, you're it," Rosalie said.

"One, two, three," Bella started.

"NOT IT!" we all yelled, mostly in unison, except for Emmett, who was slightly behind.

"Dammit, I suck at that," he said, getting to his feet and starting to count to ten with his hands over his eyes.

"Scramble!" Alice shouted, bolting to the far end of the clearing with Rosalie, both of them, hiding behind a tree.

I went to the opposite side, while Bella just stood there behind Emmett while Jasper started to climb a tree.

What the hell were they doing?

"Ten!" Emmett screamed, looking around. He didn't notice Bella, who was biting her lip to keep from giggling. Jasper was on a low branch, but hidden from view like Alice and Rose.

Emmett's gaze settled on me and he was after me like I was a gazelle and he was a lion.

Dammit.

Then I was running as fast as I could until I was cornered, under the tree where Jasper sat.

"Now!" Jasper shouted, just as Emmett was nearing. He leaped out of the tree, tackling Emmett to the ground. The girls were close behind, jumping onto Emmett and Jasper, laughing.

"How does this happen every time we play this game?!" Emmett cried from the bottom of the pile of people.

"Edward! Grab my camera!" Alice giggled. I ran the short distance to the chairs and grabbed the small, pink digital camera from her seat and jogged back to my friends before snapping a picture to go along with the others Alice had been taking all night.

"Emmett! Be careful!"

"Rosie, I haven't even lit one yet. Calm yourself, woman!"

It was finally dark enough to light the fireworks and the sky was already changing colors from the ones being set off in town.

Currently, Emmett was in the middle of the clearing, firework in one hand, a lighter in the other. He set the explosive down and flicked the lighter on and set it on fire.

He bolted away from it and stood next to Rosalie, who was on my left and Alice and Jasper who lay intertwined on a lawn chair, watching as the firework went off, and exploded with a _crack_ in the air, turning the sky red for a brief second.

"Nice job, Em," Bella said, returning with a drink and settling on the seat next to me.

"Okay, here goes another one," he said, pulling a firework from the box and setting it off. It shot to the sky like a bat out of hell, turning into a magnificent array of colors.

After a few more going off and our rowdy cheers as Emmett didn't screw up, Bella shivered.

"Cold?" I asked.

"Just a bit," she admitted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"C'mere," I murmured, laying back on the chair, pulling her in between my legs in a similar fashion to Jasper and Alice had sat earlier. I wrapped my arms around her...for warmth. Really, that was all...

But who was I kidding? I _needed _to be close to her, but I wasn't ready to admit that.

And as her breathing slowed and she drifted into unconsciousness, I couldn't stop my mind from wandering to what it would be like if I did admit it.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you to those who reviewed, I really appreciate your feedback!**  
**_

* * *

**July 5th-3:17 a.m.**

Someone calling my name was what woke me up. I opened one eye to find Bella still fast asleep, clutching onto my shirt and my arms wrapped tightly around her. Alice and Jasper were awake, collecting trash and firework remains and throwing them in the cooler. Rosalie and Emmett were on the ground, ten feet away, wrapped in a blanket.

"Edward Anthony Masen!" It was my mother and she seemed to be getting closer..._shit! What time was it!?_ I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and noticed I had ten missed calls.

Whoops.

"Bella, wake up," I murmured in her ear. She hardly stirred. "Isabella," I said a bit louder, tickling her sides.

"If you want to live to see morning, I suggest you let me sleep," she muttered, snuggling closer. I gulped.

"Ed, you aren't going to actually wake her. She's dead to the world until at least seven," Jasper called, closing the cooler.

"Yeah, can you carry her to my house?" Rosalie asked, standing up and kicking Emmett lightly in the stomach. He bolted upright and glared at her.

"Uh, sure?" I replied.

"Thanks, dude," Emmett said, grabbing a chair. "I'd do it, but she smacked me in her sleep last time."

"Edward Masen! Where are you!?" My mother called again.

"Shit, okay let's go," I muttered, lifting Bella off of me so I could stand before pulled her into my arms, her knees over one arm and her head laying on my chest.

"I think we got everything," Alice said as we started to walk on the path. "The trash, I mean."

We walked in silence for the remainder of the walk through the woods, I could hear my mother still calling my name in the distance. The embarrassment was just starting to set in. Why did _she_ have to come looking for me? None of the other parents were out in town, calling for their children.

"Sorry we didn't wake you up, Edward...you just look so comfortable and your mom must be worried sick," Alice apologized, her eyes downcast.

"No, it's fine...my mom's just a little...overprotective," I finished, heat rising to my cheeks.

"Mmm, more please," Bella murmured, her arm snaking its way around my neck. My head jerked up in surprise.

"She talks in her sleep...it's quite hilarious actually," Rosalie pointed out, giggling.

"Edward!" my mother shrieked when she saw us emerge from the trees. "Where have you b- oh, hello everyone."

"Hi, sorry Mrs. Masen...it was my fault," Alice confessed. "Everyone but me fell asleep and I didn't think that he needed to be home."

So much humiliation. Alice felt like my babysitter.

"Oh, well, that's okay, dear. Edward," her voice was hard. "Home. Now."

"I will in a minute, I just need to take Bella to Rosalie's," I said causing her face twist into anger.

"I'm sure Isabella can walk herself there, we need to get home."

"No, I'm not waking her up. I'll see you at home," I told her in a tone that ended further conversation before walking in the direction of the Hale's brick house.

"Fine, you have ten minutes," she relplied coldly before getting back in her car.

"Edward-" Alice began, falling into step beside me.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said, taking longer strides. Rose and Jasper's house was in view.

I could hear everyone behind me, whispering and laughing, while I remained silent until we reached the house and Jasper unlocked the door with the key they hid under a flower pot.

"Just take her upstairs, Alice and I will be up in a minute," Rosalie whispered, tip toeing into the kitchen. I walked up the stairs and to the end of the hall to her room, where the round, king bed lay unmade in the center of the room. I set Bella down carefully, covering her with a blanket.

"_Edward..._" she sighed quietly, her lips barely moving. I could've sworn my heart stopped beating for a moment.

"Goodnight, sweet Bella," I whispered, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

.My parents really let me have it as soon as I got home.

"I cannot believe you stay out until almost four in the morning and then just _walk away _in the middle of a conversation!" my mother shouted, throwing her hands in the air.

"I wasn't going to wake Bella up," I ground out, glaring at her. "And it was an accident, we fell asleep and for god's sake! I'm seventeen years old, not seven!"

"I'm just looking out for you, Edward," she sighed. "I'm your mother."

"I know. Now I'm tired and I'm going to bed," I said, climbing the stairs.

"We're not done here, Edward," I heard my father say calmly. I stopped and turned to face them.

"I don't know what's gotten into you lately," he muttered, shaking his head. "You're never home, you stay out late, we never see you anymore."

"It's that Swan girl," my mother claimed. I clenched my jaw. "I was talking to Susanna today and-"

"What does Bella have to do with anything? I have friends now. This is what I should have _always_ been doing," I cried, but none of this made sense to my parents.

"Edward, I know you like her-"

"I do not," I muttered like a child.

"-but you need to get your priorities in order. And I hope you can do this in the two weeks that you're grounded."

"WHAT?!" I roared, my face hot.

"You heard her," my dad said, fighting a yawn. "No friends, no phone, nothing for two weeks. It sounds harsh but we're trying to make a point here."

"Whatever," I muttered, stomping up the stairs, slamming my door closed behind me and falling onto my bed. Angry as I felt, I was asleep in seconds.

"Edward...psst, Edward!" I lifted my head, looking groggily around for the source of the voice. The clock caught my eye-it was noon. "Masen!"

I crossed the room, and went to the window.

Of course, there was Bella sitting at her own window, clad in red pajama shorts covered in clocks and a white tank top.

"Hey," I yawned.

"Hi...Alice told me what happened last night," she said, looking down. "I'm sorry."

"No big deal," I assured her.

"So how long are you in solitary confinement?" she teased.

"Two weeks."

"Ouch, that sucks," Bella said, pulling her hair back into a ponytail.

"I guess," I muttered, grabbing my iPod off of my desk.

" what I have!" she told me excitedly.

"Um, a new contribution to the world of science?"

"What? No! Why would you even...okay never mind! I found _this_!" She then proceeded to pull what looked like a rope ladder out from behind her.

"What the hell is that?"

"My dad gave it to me a while ago in case there was a house fire and I needed to get out through the window. He's a little paranoid. Anyway, since your mom refuses to let me in through the door, I'm coming in the window. Catch!" she squealed, tossing it out her window. My hand shot out reflexivley and caught it just in time. "I'll be outside in a second!" And then as fast as she was gone, she was telling me to lower the ropes.

"Holy hell, Bella. Be careful," I muttered as she started to climb the ladder. How did the clumsiest girl alive decide that this was a good idea?

I clutched the ropes in my hands tighter. It took her another minute to finish the climb and get herself through the window, and even though I was holding onto her for dear life as I pulled her into my room, I was terrified I'd drop her and she'd break into a million little pieces.

"Looks like you're mostly unpacked," she said, lifting one of the empty boxes by my door. It was true, we'd actually gotten a lot accomplished in those mornings during the weeks prior. I finally had my desk put together in the corner of the room, my desktop computer taking up most of the surface. I had a small shelf above it, holding my meager book collection and old baseball trophies. On the other end of the room were a dresser and a lamp. I didn't have much else, I was a minimalist, what could I say?

"Yep," I replied, picking my iPod up from where I'd left it and plugging it into the iHome on my dresser.

"How many songs do you have on this thing, anyways?" Bella asked, suddenly at my side, looking for a song.

"I don't know? Like, two thousand?" I guessed, flopping back onto my bed, rubbing my eyes.

_La Vie en Rose_ by Louis Armstrong began, softly as she made her choice.

I smiled as she sat down Indian style next to me.

She was hovering over me now, studying my face. I stared up at her, committing everything about her to memory...who knew if I'd get this opportunity again?

Her huge, brown eyes seemed too big for her face, as did her lips...those beautiful, plump lips that always seemed to be slightly parted or stretched over a smile. Her skin was like strawberries and cream...pale but a constant pink on her cheeks. The girl wore not a speck of make-up.

_Hold me close and hold me fast _

_The magic spell you cast _

_This is la vie en rose_

"Have you ever heard a song that made you laugh and cry at the same time?" Bella asked out of the blue.

"Not that I recall," I told her.

"I do sometimes," she murmured before joining Louis on another verse.

_When you press me to your heart _

_I'm in a world apart_

_A world where roses bloom_

"So anyways, what are we going to do for two weeks?" she wondered, laying down next to me, both of us with similar postures, our arms lay limp at our sides and our heads were close together.

"We? I can't leave the house, remember?"  
"Your point?"

"You're not going to want to spend all your time stuck in here," I told her, receiving an eye roll.

"Psh, like I have anything better to do than to laze around your room, reading, eating and mooching off your music and food," she claimed. "Besides, doesn't your mom work?"

I nodded, remembering her job she lined up with her friend, Susanna, when we'd arrived.

"So, you can leave the house from the morning til, what? four o'clock?" I contemplated this for a moment.

"I suppose you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm _always_ right," she said as the song changed.

"Okay, okay! I'm going to the kitchen-want anything?" I asked, getting off of the bed and stretching.

"Hmm...maybe a sandwich and a pop?" I nodded and left the room, slipping quietly down the stairs. It was a Saturday, meaning my parents were home. I groaned internally when I saw my mom sitting at the kitchen table, going over some papers. She was going to want to talk to me. I went straight to the fridge, pulling out bologna, cheese and mustard-Bella's favorite-and the turkey and mayonnaise for mine.

"Good afternoon, Edward," she greeted, not looking up from the papers.

"Hi," I replied curtly, pulling the bread out of the pantry.

"I understand you're angry at me, but-"

"Of course I'm angry, I have a right to be," I said, putting the sandwiches together as quickly as possible.

"This is for your own good."

"Right," I said, sarcastically.

"I mean it, Edward. This behavior isn't like you. That Swan girl is a poor influence."

I grumbled incoherently, carrying the food and a Coke upstairs. When I got to my room, Bella was sprawled across the bed, the copy of Wuthering Heights she kept here in her hands.

"I can't see how you can read that," I said bringing her back to reality and out of 'book land'. "I didn't even know it was in a male point of view until the fourth chapter...and was the girl a ghost? or what." Bella narrowed her eyes as she took her food.

"Wow," was all she said in response.

"I could only grab one Coke," I told her, popping the top. She shrugged as she took it from my hand and drank from it.

"You okay?" I asked. She was being unusually quiet.

"Uh, yeah, fine." Bella was a terrible liar.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? I mean, I know I've only known you for like, not even a month, but you can trust me."

Her brown eyes, met mine and she swallowed hard.

"I know, I trust you," she assured me. I smiled slightly before she continued.

"It's _me_ I don't trust."


	6. Chapter 6

**July 5th-12:49 p.m.**

I just stared at her blankly. Her eyes widened.

"Um, yeah okay, well I'm gonna go," Bella said, looking pale as she went for the door.

"Wait, Bella, wha-" I was cut off by her closing the door quietly. I went to my window and waited to see if she got past my mother. Sure enough, a moment later she was walking to her front door, swiping her arm across her face.

Oh, hell.

Was she _crying?_

I stood motionless, my sandwich in hand, uneaten as I saw Bella enter her room, slam her window shut, turn off the light and close the blinds.

I was stunned to say the least and my mind immediately went to Alice. Alice would know what to do.

I started to search my room for my phone, and then it hit me-no phone for two weeks...but then again, mom liked Alice, for reasons I was unaware of.

After getting changed as fast as possible, I bolted down the stairs and into the kitchen-stopping face to face with my mother.

"Alice," I breathed. "Can I go see Alice?"

"What?" she asked, looking up from the forms spread out on the table.

"I need to see Alice, it's important," I sounded incredibly desperate. She seemed to be contemplating it, staring at me long and hard.

"Fine, but you're to be home in twenty minutes," she told me. I nodded, grabbed my shoes and ran out the door. It was hot and humid out, feeling like it was going to rain any second. Like a storm was coming.

When I reached the Brandon's, I pounded on the front door for a good minute before it was whipped open to reveal a very annoyed looking Alice. Her expression softened after seeing me, but not by much.

"You look like shit," she stated, ushering me inside.

"Yeah, well, it's been an interesting day," I told her as we made our way into her kitchen, where she had two glasses of lemonade set out. I gave her a confused look, which she just shrugged off.

"I knew you'd be stopping by," she said nonchalantly, taking a sip of her drink.

"You talked to Bella?" I asked, picking up my own glass.

"Not yet, but it was only a matter of time before something happened."

"What do you mean? You never make any sense."

"Or, I make perfect sense and you're brain just can't take it," she offered as a smile ghosted her face for a brief second. When I didn't reply she grabbed a box of Girl Scout cookies from the pantry.

"So, what exactly did she say to make you come down here?" Alice asked, opening a tube if Thin Mints.

She stared intently at me the entire time I retold the events of the afternoon as quickly as possible, knowing I was running out of time.

"And then she left-crying, mind you-after she said 'it's me I don't trust'. I have no clue what that means, Alice." The anxiety in my voice was evident.

"Isabella is a complicated creature, she likes to keep to herself more, meaning she bottles everything up and keeps it inside. Edward, I'm her best friend and there are _still_ things that I don't know about her...I mean, she talks to Jasper about a lot of it and I don't take it personally, because that's just who she is. And the whole thing about her not trusting herself...did you ever think that maybe she overheard your mom?" My eyes widened.

"She took what my mom said seriously? Really?" I hated my mother at that moment.

"Bella...she thinks that everything's her fault. I'd just let her cool off for a day or two and let her come to you. The same thing happened when I got lost on my way to Seattle and her phone was turned off so she didn't answer. She was afraid I didn't love her anymore," Alice laughed lightly at the memory. "She truly loves all of her friends, more than anything."

"Thanks Alice, I appreciate it. I won't bother her for a few days. Bye," I shouted as I made my way out the door.

"No problem! And Edward," she began. I stopped and turned around. "I'm really glad you moved here. We all are."

"Goodbye Alice," I said softly before taking off down the street, my blue shirt turning darker from the rain that was starting to fall.

And when I got home, I could've sworn I saw the curtains in Bella's room move, like she'd been there only seconds ago.

* * *

The first day without Bella was terrible. I sat at home with my father and watched a baseball game on TV, mostly in silence. It was awkward and boring and I couldn't wait until Monday when my parents worked again.

When Monday did come, Emmett came over with a frozen pizza and some video games, bored because Rosalie and Jasper were out of town and Alice was not an option.

"What about Bella?" I asked as he plugged in the game system.

"What about her? She's in one of her funks and I don't want to deal with that shit." I nodded dumbly, taking a seat in my dad's recliner and attempted to keep my mind from wandering to my depressed, brunette neighbor.

"Edward! Alice is here!" I heard my mother shout from the bottom of the stairs. I hadn't seen Bella in four days and it was starting to wear on me. I could barely sleep at night, finally passing out around three in the morning after taking some unnecessary cough medicine. I hadn't realized how much I depended on her. It was unhealthy.

On the bright side, my mom had allowed me visitation hours. Alice, Emmett and the Hales could come over after dinner (even though Emmett ignored this rule and came over while my parents worked), she would've even allowed Bella, but she never showed up. All week, her curtains and window remained closed and I only saw her parents come and go from her house, with Alice occasionally stopping by.

I stayed in my room, messing around on iTunes when Alice thrust the door open and took a seat on my bed, staring intently at me.

"Yes, Alice?"

"I talked to Bella today," she sang, catching my attention.

"What?" I nearly shouted as I turned off the computer.

"Yep, she's going to stop shunning you." I couldn't stop the smile.

"No way."

"Yes way! It took some convincing from moi." She pointed to herself before continuing. "But she's gonna see you soon and if she doesn't want to talk about it, don't talk about it. Okay?"

"You got it! I love you, pixie!" I grinned, lifting her into a hug.

"Uh, no," she laughed. "It's Bella you love."

I released her, my brow furrowed and cheeks surely pink.

"Oh, come on. I'm not stupid. I see the way you look at her and don't think Rose and I didn't know about that little kiss you gave her the night you got grounded. Plus, if you weren't hot for her, you wouldn't be going through withdrawals from not seeing her for less than a week," she finished, a smirk present on her face.

"Y-you don't know what you're talking about," I stuttered.

"Don't be an ass. You know full well what I'm talking about. Now, I'm going home, just keep in mind what I said." And with that, she patted my head and left me sitting there shocked with a lot to think about.

Late that night, I heard a tapping of pebbles hitting my window and I grabbed the rope ladder I'd left in the corner. Wordlessly, I opened the window and lowered the ladder as she climbed up and through the window. I lay back in my bed as she followed suit, snuggling up to my side.

"I missed you," she murmured into my neck, her voice making my heart to skip several beats.

It was then I knew.

I had feelings-strong feelings-for Bella and I couldn't deny them any longer.

And more than anything I wanted to grill her about what had happened the other day and I wanted to tell her how the past few days had been hell for me. But Alice's words about keeping quiet echoed in my head and I said the only thing I could.

"I missed you, too."

* * *

**okay so i'm six chapters into this and I have no idea what you guys think about it. review? i'll send you a teaser from the next chapter... ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**July 17th-5:09 p.m.**

"Oh my god, Edward! Stop it and let me pass you!"

"No way, sweetie."

It was an ordinary day. My grounding was just about over and Bella was allowed back in the house from four to six, like everyone else. It was obvious that my mother absolutely adored Alice and Jasper, thinking that they were the poster children for good morals. I just laughed at her, because frankly, she was a little off. She was a bit intimidated by Emmett, but liked him all the same, and she didn't know Rosalie too well, seeing as how she was almost never over. However, my mother still wasn't taking too kindly to Bella, but she was civil at the very least and let her stay for dinner almost every night. This brings us to where we are now-me kicking ass in Mario Kart while we wait for the spaghetti Bella was cooking to be finished; to kiss up to my mother, she'd said.

"Dammit! I am so bad at Rainbow Road, it's not even funny," Bella muttered, tossing her controller onto the coffee table after coming in last place.

"It may be just a little funny," I told her.

"Whatever, just because you have no life and play this game constantly..."sShe trailed off as she got up to stir the sauce.

"Shut up. I spend all my time with you, so I guess you don't have a life either," I teased, following her into the kitchen.

"As if, Edward. You _are _my life," she said, jokingly, but I didn't miss the underlying sincerity in her voice. The past week and a half with Bella had been different and I'm still deciding on whether or not it's a good change. She sits closer to me now, or basically in my lap...which I'm not complaining about one bit. Ever since my epiphany, as you could call it, that I realized that I liked Bella, I've been savoring all those simple brushes of the hand. She spoke differently to me as well. The whole 'you are my life' comment is one of many of the teasing, yet honest things thrown at me, and it was confusing the shit out of me.

"Masen, you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah, just, you know, zoned out." I laughed quietly, nervously. She rolled her eyes and added some herbs to the pot of tomato sauce.

"Okay then." And the subject was dropped. That was another good thing about Bella-she wasn't one to push for details.

I was so thankful for that, or by now she'd know I was totally and completely falling for her.

"What's all this? My mother asked as soon as she walked in the door, smelling the garlic bread and pasta.

"Bella made dinner," I explained, taking her coat as Bella leaned up against the counter, staring.

"That was nice of her," Mother said, locking eyes with Bella. "Thank you."

"It was no problem at all, Mrs. Masen," she replied politely, moving to the table and taking a seat.

I gave her a thumbs up behind my mother's back, causing her to sport a grin.

"Your dad's going to be here any minute, so we might as well start eating," Mom said, sitting across the tabled from Bella as I took the seat next to her.

It was an uncomfortable silence at first, as it always was, when we first started getting our food, but eventually, we'd ease into a conversation that would last us the entire meal.

"So, how was your day kids?" my mother asked, scooping a spoonful of pasta onto her plate.

"Fine," I answered. "I slept in late and just watched TV. Bella came over around four." It was mostly a lie. I _did_ sleep until one, but Bella jumping on my bed was actually what woke me up. That was when I realized my house key was missing from the key ring I kept on my desk.

"And you, Isabella?" I could see her bite her lip, trying not to correct Mom on her name.

"I had to get up early and help my mom out with cleaning and such," she said, twirling pasta onto her fork. "Then I came over here to hang out and school your son in video games." Her sly smirk did not escape my notice.

"Hah, riiiight," I muttered, stuffing a piece of garlic bread into my mouth. Bella rolled her eyes.

We fell into playful banter, going back and forth between us, only interrupted when my father came home and when we earned a few comments from my mother. My dad seemed to take a liking to Bella, asking her questions and chatting with her and I was glad to see one of my parents on my side.

"I was wondering, if it was okay with you guys," Bella started, looking towards my mom and dad. "If Edward could drive up to Seattle with us tomorrow. It's kind of a tradition." Noticing the apprehensive look in my mother's eyes, she threw in, "Everyone's going and we all stay together."

"I don't know...you're still grounded, Edward," Mother said, glancing at my father briefly.

"Aw, let the kid go, Lizzie," Dad interjected. "He's been good."

"Fine."

"Awesome!" Bella and I shouted in unison and giving each other a high five.

"You two spend waaay too much time together," my father said, grinning at us.

Oh, if only he knew.

* * *

The next morning, Iwas woken up by someone practically screaming into my ear.

"For the love of god Bella, go away," I moaned groggily, swatting my hand randomly while burying my face into my pillow.

"But we're leaving," she whined "Fine," she growled as I refused to move and left the room, slamming the door behind her. It didn't drown out the sudden thumping of someone charging up the stairs.

The door burst open and the shouting began.

"OH, EDWAAAAARD!" Alice. Of course, Bella would pull out the big guns.

"Hell...what time is it?" I asked, lifting my head and looking at the alarm clock on my bedside table. "Seriously? It's only eight o'clock!"

"Yes, and it takes a few hours to get to Seattle, dear friend, so I suggest you get your cute ass out of bed before I do it for you."

"You think my ass is cute?" When she glared at me I began to get up. "I'm going, I'm going," I sighed, shooing her out of the room so I could get dressed.

Once my teeth were brushed, iPod in hand, as well as some cash, and my old jeans and faded t-shirt on, I went downstairs to find all of my friends lounging around the kitchen, helping themselves to the food in my refrigerator and in the pantry.

"Ed! You and Bella are riding in your car-I don't trust that thing she drives," Emmett said, putting some mustard on a sandwich he was making.

"Okay."

"And Jasper and I are riding with you, too. Emmett and Rosalie can get into some...ahem, heave stuff, and I'm not sure if my ears or eyes can take that," Alice explained, dramatically as Rosalie stuck her tongue out at her and Emmett's face twisted into a devilish smirk.

"Yeah, alright, just grab what you want and let's get out of here," I told them, getting a Coke out of the fridge and walking out the front door. It wasn't raining yet, but the sky looked like it would open up at any minute and just dump gallons of water on us.

I quickly got in the Volvo and plugged in my iPod, going directly to The Killers. That was what Bella was in the mood for, because the past week and a half, she'd woken me up with her singing, and whatever song it was decided what we'd listen to that day.

Emmett and Rosalie were the first ones out of the house after me, going directly to his monstrous jeep, climbing in and waiting for everyone else to come out.

Alice and Bella were next, tripping over each other, shouting and hitting. I rolled down my window to catch the gist of the argument as Alice tackled Bella to the ground.

"I CALLED SHOTGUN FIRST, BITCH!" Bella screamed tripping Alice by grabbing onto her ankle.

"AARRGH! Bella Swan plays dirty, ladies and gentlemen!" Alice shouted as she fell. Bella jumped up and bolted to the car, past her fallen friend and into the passenger seat.

"You suck," Alice muttered, getting in the back seat as Jasper came out of the house, locking the door with my-or Bella's- key.

Once Jasper was in the car, Emmett pulled out of the driveway with me behind him so I knew where we were going.

"Oh, Edward, you know me so well," Bella told me turning up the volume on the stereo and singing along, her melodic voice causing my heart to melt.

However, not long into the drive, Bella turned down the stereo and drifted to sleep and eventually falling so her head was almost in my lap.

I swallowed hard and turned to a giggling Alice asking, "are we there yet?"

"We've still got another two hours, buddy," she grinned, patting my arm.

"_Fantastic_."


	8. Chapter 8

**July 18th-11:23a.m.**

"Take a left here, Edward," Alice said from the backseat, pointing over my shoulder. "You want to find Sixth and Pine."

"Okay, yeah, I see it," I told her, turning the car towards the parking garage at Pacific Place, a huge, looming building, blocking whatever portion of the sun was visible.

"Isn't this place insane?" Alice asked, unbuckling her seat belt as I parked.

"Definitely," I agreed, before looking down at my lap, where Bella's head still lay. I was thankful that she hadn't moved around too much.

"Bella, wake up," Alice chirped in her ear, poking her arm repeatedly.

"C'mon, Al...lemme sleep," Bella grumbled.

"But, Bella, sweetie...we're at Pacific Place and you're pretty much blowing Edward," Alice laughed, causing Bella to shoot upright and both of our faces to turn beet red.

"Oh my god, Edward! I'm so, so sorry!" she shrieked as Alice and Jasper died of laughter in the backseat

"N-no problem! Let's just go find Emmett and Rose!" I said quickly as we all got out of the car.

As we walked silently into the food court, Rosalie and Emmett met up with us. Emmett's hair was noticeably messier than it was before we had left, and Rosalie had a pink flush to her cheeks.

"...and this is why we rode with you," Alice teased, casting a glance in my direction, then towards Rose and Emmett. "Then again," she continued. "It wasn't much cleaner riding with you and Bella."

"Alice, shut up," Bella ground out, her small hands balled into fists.

"Shutting up!" she sang, grasping Jasper's hand and running ahead of the group. "Ladies! It's time for the annual shopping of dresses for dinner, shall we start at BCBG?"

"Absolutely!" Rose replied.

"Bye, ladies," Jasper said as they ran in the direction of the store.

"Wait-we're not going with them?" I asked, watching them.

"Nah, we usually just head up to Game Stop or get some coffee," Emmett explained as we started walking.

"And then we get a phone call to meet them there and give our opinions-unless they want to surprise us tonight," Jasper added.

"What's tonight?"

"Another tradition we instated a few years back," Emmett began as we stepped into an elevator. "See, we come up here in the summer and in the winter every year with the girls, get dressed up in new fancy clothes-but see, we try not to take the tags off so we can return them all later," he winked and Jasper laughed. "See, the only one who can afford to actually keep that shit is Alice and she usually does. Anyways, we get all jazzed up and then head over to La Bella Italia, which is some super extravagant restaurant that Bella'd picked when this whole thing started because her name was mentioned. Then we come back here as soon as we're done and return everything, making up lame excuses," Emmett finished, all of us laughing.

"Wow, that's amazing, actually," I told them as we got out of the elevator and wove our way through the crowds to Game Stop.

"And now that you're here, it'll be and even number and Bella won't be dateless," Emmett said, while I blushed a bit. The very thought of the words 'Bella' and 'date' in a sentence directed towards me had my heart racing in the worst way.

* * *

"Hello? Yeah...yeah...okay, see you in a few," Jasper said, hanging up his cell phone. It had been at least two hours and Emmett, Jasper and I had basically wandered the entire mall-twice and we had only seen the girls once when they were heading into Barneys.

"So we're going to meet them at Johnny Rocket's," Jasper told us, which made me extremely happy. Food sounded great right now.

"Are they done shopping?" I asked, hopefully-but Jasper just shrugged and we headed towards the restaurant.

Alice, Bella and Rosalie were already seated when we got there, sipping on drinks and skimming the menus.

"Hello, ladies," Emmett said, getting their attention.

"Oh, hey guys. How was your day so far?" Bella asked as we slid into the other side of the booth.

"Fine, I got some more games to school you in," I teased, holding up my Game Stop bag. Bella's eyes lit up immediately.

"Oh, good, except that was completely false," she said, taking a drink of her coke.

"Right," I replied.

"Well-" Bella began but Alice cut her off.

"We got all of our dresses!" she told us, excitedly.

"Really? That's just fantastic!" Emmett said, his voice imitating hers.

"Oh, hush," she pouted. "Have you guys gotten your clothes?"

"Not yet, Al," I said.

"Okay, well, I think what we're going to do is that Jasper and Emmett'll come with us and you and Bella will go to Barnes and Noble-she's been needing to go for a while now."

"Sounds good to me," I told her. "Except how am I going to get my stuff?"

"Don't worry about it," Rosalie interjected. "Alice probably already knows your size so we'll get it all for you." I could only nod.

After a few minutes, the waitress came and took our orders of cheeseburgers and fries and left us to our conversation.

"Are you sure you want to come to the book store with me? I get pretty...crazy when I'm with my books," Bella said, and bit her lip. I was beginning to see this was a habit of hers.

_Like I'd miss an opportunity to be alone with you_.

"Trust me, I'd rather be with your insanity than with Alice's," I teased, getting a glare from the pixie sitting across from me.

"I suppose that's true," Bella replied, grinning.

"Meet us back at Nordstrom at four, Bella and Edward!" Rosalie shouted as we separated-them going to Barneys again and Bella and I heading to Barnes and Noble.

"Finally free," Bella breathed once they were out of sight.

"You don't like dress shopping?"

"I don't like clothes shopping period," she muttered, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the bookstore.

"Ah, well, me either," I added, staring at our entwined hands.

As soon as we stepped through the doorway, Bella practically bolted to the fiction section, scouring the shelves for whatever it was that she was looking for.

"A...b...c... Carrol. There it is. Ahah!" she cheered, pulling the book off the shelf.

"_Alice in Wonderland_?" I asked upon hearing the name of the author.

"Yep, I haven't read it yet and I really want to," she replied, checking her wallet and the back of the book for the price. "Okay, Edward...are you ready to get to work?"

"Work?"

"Yep, here's a list-find the titles. Please and thank you." she chirped, handing me a crumpled up piece of paper and taking another similar looking one from her pocket and heading off to the escalator, studying the sheet.

I just stood there, too stunned to move, until a wave of laughter hit me.

Isabella Marie Swan was completely and utterly insane...and yet, with every discovery of each little quirk she had, I found myself becoming more invested in her whole self.

"Masen! Stop standing around and get your ass in motion! We only have like, an hour!" I jerked my head upwards to see her leaning over the railing, two more books already in her hands. I just chuckled at her and made my way to the Memoir shelves to find the books on the list she gave me-which was labeled: _Memoir, travel and nonfiction- good luck Edward_.

The woman already knew I'd be with her for this.

_Okay, first on the list is..._ Half a Life_ by Darin Strauss_

I soon grabbed the book and continued on with the list, looking for the numerous items on the list. It took forty-five minutes to finish finding everything and I ended up with at least fifteen books total before I started to wander the store in search of Bella.

"Miss? Are you sure you don't need any help with those?" I heard a male voice say a few isles over from where I was.

"Oh, no, really it's cool. My friend, should be here any minute," Bella answered, though it sounded more like a warning than anything else.

I came to a stop in front of the Humor section to find Bella nearly falling over from the weight of all the books in her arms and a tall, lanky guy towering over her.

"Edward," she breathed, almost relieved to see me.

"Hey, Bella. You get everything you needed?" I asked, standing next her after taking a few long strides, eying the person she was conversing with warily. "And you are?"

"Joe," he muttered. "It was nice to meet you, _Bella_ and Edward," he said before walking away, dejected. Bella exhaled, her breath coming out in a _whoosh_.

"Thank you so, so much. I was ready to blow my rape whistle," she said, turning her head up to face me.

"You have a rape whistle?" I asked, taking many of the books from her arms.

"No. But I think I might get one," she explained thoughtfully.

"Okay, then, are you ready to get out of here?" She nodded and led the way to the front of the store.

As the cashier was ringing us up, I finally noticed all that she had with her. A drawing book, a bunch of classics, some poetry, some random clearance selections and a book on how to play the guitar.

"You have a guitar?"

"No, but I've always wanted one. I guess it doesn't hurt to learn some before I get it so I don't kill the thing as soon as I touch it," she replied, just before the cashier rung her up-the total reaching almost a hundred dollars.

Bella dug into her back pocket, pulling her wallet out and handing the cashier two fifty dollar bills.

"My not-related-relatives send me two hundred dollars at the beginning of every summer to spend on anything," Bella explained, noticing my questioning stare.

"Oh," was my brilliant reply.

"Yep, Carlisle and Esme are the greatest people I know," she said, a look of admiration in her eyes while my mind raced. The names sounded familiar. "Thank you," Bella said to the salesperson, taking the three bags from the counter and heading towards the door.

"Let me carry those," I offered, gesturing to her bags.

"Just one," she said, handing me the bag on the left, while a silly, insane grin crept onto her face.

_Bella Swan, I will never understand you._

* * *

"Ladies!" Emmett shouted while pounding on the door to the women's restroom. "Our reservations are at six-thirty! We need to move!" The girls had grabbed as many free samples as they could from Nordstrom and locked themselves in the bathroom to get ready. We, the guys, had changed into our dress clothes quickly and were waiting on our women. Rosalie was right-Alice picked out the perfect size for me.

"Calm your ass down, Emmett! We'll just be another second!" Alice yelled back through the door.

And sure enough, a moment later the door swung open to reveal the three prettiest girls on the planet.

Rosalie had decided on a light blue satin-looking dress, a bow tied around the waist, with her hair let loose, lips red.

Jasper audibly gasped when Alice came out behind Rose in short, white dress with ruffles at the bottom. She had almost no make-up save for some pink lip gloss and her short hair in carefully curled to her scalp.

I was not prepared for what happened next.

Bella Swan stepped out of the door, stumbling a bit even though she wasn't in heels, and took my breath away.

A simple, black, strapless dress with pleats and flowery ruffles hugged her body, only falling mid-thigh. I think I actually started to drool when she pushed her half-back hair behind her shoulder, revealing the smooth, pale skin of her neck and collar bone.

"You look fantastic," I said to her as I linked my arm with hers.

"You don't look too bad yourself," she teased, though a pink blush crept up her neck.

"Are you bitches ready for La Bella Italia?" Emmett shouted as we made our way out the doors to the parking garage.

"No, Emmett, the question is," Bella began. "Is La Bella Italia ready for _us_?"

* * *

"Reservation for Hale," Jasper told the hostess, who nodded and led us to our seats-a round, table-clothed table at the edge of a dance floor, near the small band.

"Wow," I said, taking my seat between Bella and Alice. La Bella Italia was a small restaurant, with low lighting and twinkle lights above every table. The walls were a deep plum, at least whatever wall wasn't covered by old photographs in old frames.

"Yeah, this place is pretty incredible," Alice murmured, glancing quickly at me then to Bella before ordering bread and glasses of water from the newly arrived waiter. "I think we'll be dancing for a bit, so we'll call you over when we're ready to order?" she asked sweetly, her smile putting the poor waiter in a trance as he walked off.

"Dancing?" Bella asked apprehensively, staring at Alice.

"Yep, Edward will be your partner. You know how to dance, right?"

"Uh, yeah?" I mean how hard was it to sway side to side?

"Okay, it's settled, come on everyone!" Alice clapped her hand and everyone was on their feet immediately-save for Bella.

"May I have this dance, milady?" I asked her, earning a smile.

"Ugh, you know I can't resist your old time talk," she muttered as she followed me to the dance floor. "Edward. You should know this by now, but I...can't dance."

"Sure you can," I scoffed before lifting her up so she way standing on my feet, causing her to laugh as we swayed back and forth. "See? You're dancing."

"Edward," she whispered, leaning closer to me, my heart racing.

"Yes?" I breathed.

And then she kissed me.


	9. Chapter 9

**July 18th-6:30pm**

At first, I froze as her lips landed softly on mine. But when her small hands slowly found their way to my hair, tangling her fingers in the messy locks, I couldn't stop my own hands from moving to her hips, holding her body to mine, just to get closer to her.

As cliché as it sounded, it was like everything stopped around us. There was nothing else in the entire world that mattered but our lips moving together and her tongue slowly made its way into mouth.

A small, muted whimper escaped her mouth and I nearly came undone, but as it became increasingly hard to breathe-she pulled away, her eyes flying open in what I guessed was surprise.

"Oh, hell," she muttered before squeezing her eyes shut once more and pressing her palms to her eyes. "I'm so, so sorry, Edward."

"What? No, don't be," I said quietly, grabbing her arms as she started to move away from me.

"I'm sorry, it was just-you were so close and the dancing and you smell _fantastic_," her eyes seemed to glaze over before she shook her head and stared intently at my forehead. "It meant nothing, I swear, it was just one of those heat-of-the-moment kind of things."

I tried to not let the heartache I was feeling show. I just stared at her, my face blank.

_God, rejection was painful._

"Still friends?" she asked, looking up at me from under her lashes.

"Of course," I croaked, swallowing the lump in my throat. To prove my point, I pulled her into a hug, mostly for my benefit.

"Thank you," she mumbled, pushing herself off of me.

"Bella!" Alice shouted, coming into view, her gray eyes almost as wide as her grin. Bella groaned, slapping her hand to her forehead. "We saw everything! Are you guys-" she began to squeal joyously as Jasper, Rose and Emmett fell into step behind her, but was cut off.

"No, Alice, it was an accident," Bella explained, her face bright red. I bit the inside of my cheek.

"An _accident_?!" she cried, disbelieving.

"Yeah," Bella said, looking anywhere but at Alice-and me.

"Honey, I love you but you're a total idiot. Well, I ordered us dinner and it's ready," Alice said, her eyes not leaving Bella the entire time.

The conversation at the table wasn't as awkward as I had anticipated. Aside from the fact that Alice's eyes were constantly narrowed at Bella and Jasper's worried glances towards his best friend and his girlfriend never ceased, Emmett managed to keep us in high spirits with his never ending supply of hilarious stories and jokes.

"And then he was like, I would but my pants are in the pool!" Bella shrieked, losing herself in hysterics. We all followed her lead and laughed loudly, earning a few annoyed glances from some of the other patrons.

"Oh, wow," Alice gasped before calming herself down. "I can top every story told here tonight," she chuckled at the memory and looking at me. "It was the first time we met Emmett." Alice stopped as Bella let out a bark of a laugh and Emmett rolled his eyes. "Okay, so it was the middle of eighth grade and we were all in line at lunch, and Rose and I had been gossiping about the new kid all day. The only things we knew were that he was from the east coast and he was cute. Anyways, we were just getting our trays when Bella comes up from behind us, starts to laugh and smacks me on the back, saying to look over our shoulders. And there was Emmett in a rain coat, rain boots with sack lunch and a big black eye."

"Yeah, it was quite a sight," Rosalie jumped in, grinning at Emmett.

"See, winks before walking over to us," Alice continued. "He goes straight up to Bella, who motions for him to come closer as she whispers something in his ear. His face lit up with a smile before he walked away with his sack lunch and sat at our table. We all whip our heads around to Bella, who just shrugs and says something about how he owes her."

"Oh, fuck. I hate this part," Emmett muttered.

"See, it turns out that Bella here gave him the black eye," Alice giggled, causing me to laugh loudly before Bella began talking.

"Yeah, I had first period with him and he had the audacity to hit on me. The teacher assigned his seat next to mine and as he sat down, proceeded to say, 'my name's Emmett. That's so you know what to scream in bed' and put his hand on my knee. Of course, I hit him and got sent to the office. And I'd been doing really well with not visiting the principal. That was the first time in a month," Bella muttered. "But I digress...so when I saw him at lunch, I told him to sit there so he'd intimidate this boy who had been hanging around us. But really it's because I knew Rosalie needed a new man in her life."

Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Please, I have _never_ had to worry about getting a new man in my life. You on the other hand…"

"Hey! I've had more boyfriends than you Rosalie Hale," Bella defended, stuffing the last bite of her chicken in her mouth.

"This is true," Alice added, throwing a pointed glance in Rose's direction.

Rosalie seemed like the type to be...active in that department.

Which brought me to my next question. How busy had Bella been before I'd arrived?

* * *

"Are we there yet?" Bella groaned from the passenger seat, her eyes remaining closed.

"Just a few more minutes until we reach town," I told her quietly, not wanting to wake up Alice and Jasper, who were fast asleep in the back of the Volvo.

"Thank the holy lord," she sighed, before mutely humming along to the music that was flowing softly from the speakers.

As soon we left La Bella Italia, we drove back over to the mall in separate cars so we could change before we got into Pacific Place.

Once we had all of our money back, we got to our respective cars and began the long trip home, which in the Volvo, consisted of Bella half-sleeping and Alice and Jasper whispering to each other in the back before finally falling asleep, leaving me to my radio and Bella's constant mumbling.

"Christ, Edward, slow down," she said qietly from beside me, staring with heavy eyes at the speedometer. "My dad's a cop, you know."

"Yeah, sorry," I apologized sheepishly, easing up on the gas pedal.

"Jus' don't want...dead," she mumbled incoherently as she shut her eyes again. We still had a good fifteen minutes until we're home and I figured I'd let her sleep.

"_And do you breathe me in the smoke from your cigarette? And do you feel me with every breath?_" Bella, however, continued her quiet singing until I pulled into Alice's driveway. I woke the two passengers in the backseat-Jasper caught me by surprise by getting out as well and following Alice into the house. Bella grinned lazily at me as I dropped her and her books off on her doorstep and I could feel her watching me as I ventured back to my house.

"Edward? Is that you?" Mom called from the kitchen.

"Yeah," I replied as I walked down the hall to the kitchen to join her.

"Did you have a nice time, dear?" she asked, starting the dishwasher.

"Yeah, I did," I answered, yawning.

"Okay, I'm going to bed," she told me. "And I think you should do the same."

I nodded gratefully and made my way up the stairs and to my room.

To my immense surprise and terror, Bella was laying in my bed, wearing shorts and a tank top, giggling at my expression.

"Hahaha, your _face_! Oh my-"

"What the hell are you doing here?!" I half whispered, half shouted.

"Eh, didn't feel like dealing with the my parents tonight, so, can I crash here?" She looked up at me with those eyes...

"Uh, yeah sure...I can sleep on the floor-let me get a sleeping bag," I muttered, turning towards my door.

"No! I don't want to kick you out! Here, I'll scoot over!" Bella moved over on the bed, leaving plenty of space.

And I mean, I was _so_ tired, I _had_ to give in and sleep in the bed.

_Keep telling yourself that Edward._

I ignored my thoughts and got into bed, pulling the covers over us and turning the light on the bedside table off.

At first, I kept a far distance between us. Even though I was exhausted, I was hyper-aware of the girl lying next to me.

It only took ten minutes for her to sigh, roll over and use my stomach as a pillow.

I thought my heart was going to explode.

I swallowed hard as she tightened her arms around me and said something along the lines of, 'gingerbread cookies and soap' and started to snore softly.

But none of this could matter.

No matter how much it hurt to admit it.

We were _just friends_.


	10. Chapter 10

**August 20th-5:00am**

I woke up to the quiet buzzing of a cell phone on the table next to my bed, signaling that it was time for the girl next to me to leave.

Yes, Bella Swan and I had shared a bed almost every night for a month. And we did nothing but sleep.

At first, it she came over a few nights during the week, but one time she came through the window crying and had been back every night since. I'd just held her and rubbed her back, not knowing what to say due to the lack of information I had been given.

Bella was still a mystery to me, though I had spent just about every day with the girl, I still knew hardly anything about her.

I was slowly finding out little quirks and tastes as our time together wore on. I discovered that she was terrified of boats and planes, and is devastated that Europe is an ocean away. Bella couldn't eat Chinese food without getting sick afterwards but would eat white rice forever. She only got kids meals when we went to a fast food restaurants because she wanted the toy that came with it. Her favorite color was green, though she never told me why when I asked and she spent all of her money on CDs, books, and concert tickets whenever she had some, except for whatever she put in the coffee can beside her bed. I'd only seen her room a few times, like the rest of her house.

However, unlike the rest of her house, Bella's room was full. Books were everywhere, the covered every surface, every corner. She had magazine cut outs and maps taped to her walls. Her room felt like her, and I was glad it wasn't barren like the rest of her home.

I sat up as Bella slid off of the bed, grabbing her phone and her hoodie off of my desk chair.

"Want to come over for dinner tonight?" she asked, standing over me as I stared up at her through heavy lids.

"At your house?"

"Obviously," she said, rolling her eyes. "My parents want to meet you. Alice might come."

"Okay," I said, mid-yawn. Bella smiled softly before bending down and giving my forehead a quick, light kiss as she brushed the hair out of my eyes like she did every morning.

Once she disappeared through the window, I sighed before falling back onto my bed, sleep coming back to me quickly.

* * *

"She invited you over for dinner?!" Alice shrieked as we walked into town sharing a bag of gummy worms.

"No, her _parents_ did," I corrected her.

"Same difference. Anyways, this is huge."

"Not really," I muttered, regretting telling Alice anything at all. When I'd first arrived at her house eleven this morning, carrying the bag of candy to lure her out of the house, I had no idea what to do about tonight. But I did know that if anyone had any clue towards anything Bella, it was Alice. Or Jasper. But Alice was the only one who knew of my feelings, though Jasper didn't seem as oblivious as everyone else was.

"Edward," she said as she stopped us in front of the coffee shop we were headed to. "Bella's crazy about you-trust me. She just...can't express it like a normal person can because-"

"-she's Bella," I finished for her, smiling slightly. I still didn't totally believe Alice, but her words slowed my racing mind.

Once we had our coffee, we started back home, where Alice had to see Bella and I had to go calm my ever growing nerves.

I refused to tell my mother about going to meet Bella's parents for I knew about the questions and assumptions that would ensue.

I said that I was going to go watch some movies with her, Alice and Jasper, and that I would be home later. Of course, she bought it and told me to have fun.

_Right_.

I was nervous as I was crossing between our two yards, tugging anxiously at the hem of the polo shirt Alice had picked out for me earlier in the day.

I took a deep breath before ringing the bell and a second later, Bella's mother opened the door.

"Oh, hello, Edward," she said, her eyes burning holes in mine.

"Uh, hi, Mrs. Swan," I replied as she gestured for me to come inside.

"Please, call me Renee. Isabella is in the kitchen, see you at dinner," Renee called over her shoulder as she walked quickly up the stairs. I exhaled the breath I had been holding as I made my way down the foyer into the kitchen, where Bella stood, checking whatever was in the oven.

"Hello," I said, smiling at her because frankly, she looked damn cute when she cooked.

"Hey, could you get me the salt? It's in the cabinet behind you," Bella asked, not looking up. I obliged, handing it to her. After putting a bit into a pot in front of her, she finally turned around, a shy grin creeping onto her face. "Don't you look dapper this evening, Mr. Masen."

I laughed before replying with, "And you too, Miss Swan...is that a skirt?" Bella blushed furiously because, it was in fact, a skirt-black, short and flowy.

"Alice told me to wear it," she mumbled and I wasn't surprised. "It was this or heels."

"I like it," I said, wanting more than anything to kiss her.

"Really?" she asked, taking a step closer.

"Really," I assured her, also taking a step. We were an inch apart.

"I-" she began, but was interrupted by her mother charging into the room, wondering if dinner was ready. Bella jumped a mile away from me and went back to the cooking. I leaned against the counter, slouching away from Renee's accusing glare.

"Come, Edward, let's sit." Renee dragged me to the table where I was seated at one end and her next to me.

Bella had just set down the dishes of food when her dad came home. I watched carefully as he hung his gun belt on the rack near the door and set his keys down on the table under it. He grunted his "hello" to each of us before joining everyone else at the table.

"Is Alice coming, Bells?" Chief Swan asked, scooping potatoes onto his plate.

"No, Mrs. Brandon wanted her home tonight," Bella said, both of us knowing Alice had lied.

"Oh," he replied as we ventured into an awkward silence only broken when I was asked random questions about my life in Chicago. You know, if I got good grades, had a lot of friends, or if I had a criminal record. The normal stuff. I chewed quietly, stealing quick glances at Bella who stared at her plate the whole time, shifting the food around with her fork.

"So, Edward, how do you like Forks?" Renee asked before taking a bite of chicken.

"It's nice," I said, not knowing what else to say.

"Making friends?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Oh yes, Bella's friends seem to have welcomed you in with open arms, haven't they?" Renee pushed the subject further.

"Yes, they've been very kind to me." I smiled at Bella slightly, before Chief Swan caught my eye.

"What are your intentions towards my daughter?" he blurted, causing my eyes to widen and Bella to drop her fork and her face to turn beet red.

"Um, what?" I managed to choke out.

"Dad!" Bella hissed.

"Well, you two spend an awful lot of time together...and I mean-" he stuttered, his face turning pink as Renee glared at me.

"I spend just as much time with everyone else!" Bella defended. "Was this why you wanted this dinner?! God, can I not have a guy friend?!" She stood up, pulling me with her and dragging me out the door. We walked down the street, stopping only when Bella tripped over a rock, staying seated in the middle of the road.

"That was only a little bit of a train-wreck," I teased, trying to make her feel better as I sat down next to her.

"I am so sorry," she apologized, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "They did the same thing to Emmett I swear."

"It's okay, really. You say 'sorry' too much," I laughed, pulling her into a hug.

"Sorry," she uttered one more time before we both allowed ourselves to laugh.

We caught our breath and sat close together. Bella's face shifted from a smile to a grimace once again.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"You know what I just realized?" I waited for her to continue. "School starts next week."

I groaned.

_School_.


	11. Chapter 11

**August 26th-6:02am  
**

"Edward, honey, time to wake up! You have school today!" I heard my mom call from my doorway. I immediately tensed, worrying that Bella and I were caught, but I soon remembered that she had spent the night at Alice's. I groaned and rolled out of bed. Literally. I hit my head on my nightstand on the way down.

"Goddammit," I cursed quietly-too softly for my mother to hear. She, of course, chuckled at my sudden burst of clumsiness as she walked down the hallway. I sighed, rubbing the side of my head as I walked to the bathroom to get cleaned up. As I stood under the hot spray of the shower, I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that I had to go to school in an hour. I let out an anxious breath, my nerves already getting the best of me. I didn't do well being the center of attention and since I was the new guy, Bella had told me a few days earlier, I was the "shiny, new toy".

After I was out of the shower and dressed, I headed downstairs for a quick breakfast, where my mom drilled me with questions: "do you know where you have to go?" and "when do you get your schedule?" and probably many more but she talks so fast I couldn't hear half of them. Although her game of twenty questions only added to my anxiety, the thought that I had friends to help me survive the year numbed the pain.

"Bella stopped over while you were in the shower," Mom said, sipping her coffee.

"Oh?"

"Mhmm, she asked if you wanted a ride to school." I looked at her strangely, because I owned a car. And of course, Bella knew that.

I shook my head and finished getting ready, trying to make my hair somewhat presentable, but ended up cracking my comb.

Once it was about six forty-five, I went next door to Bella's to ask her about the car situation. Her father answered the door, looking blankly at me.

"Is Bella ready?" I asked.

"Just about," he replied and continued his staring. "Look, sorry about last week at dinner. We didn't mean to scare you." I laughed and told him it was no big deal. He gave me a small smile as he turned around and let me inside.

"Hey, Masen," Bella said from the kitchen as she pulled her sneakers on.

"Hi," I greeted. "So, why are we taking your truck?"

"I bought a new CD and your car is too fancy with it's all wireless stereo" she replied, standing up and grabbing her backpack. We walked out to her old, rusty truck with the doors that squeaked and crunched when you opened them.

Bella shoved a CD into the stereo Rose had installed for her and backed slowly out of the driveway.

"Here we go," Bella muttered ominously. Forks High School was a series of small, house like buildings, scattered around a dreary campus. My mood went down considerably from just glancing out my window. The now falling rain didn't improve matters. Bella and I got out of the car, making our way across the parking lot to where Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett had gathered. Once we were all together, we followed the rest of the student body to the gymnasium, where our schedules were being distributed.

In the gym, you could smell the sweat and dirty sneakers under the masking scent of coffee, which many of the students carried around with them. I recognized a few people I had seen around town when I was out with Alice or Emmett. I noticed Mike and Jessica sitting together on the bleachers, comparing schedules, following the lead of most of the other students.

Emmett and I lined up behind the other kids in front of the L-P table, waiting only a short time before I received the piece of paper that decided my fate for the rest of the year.

I had chemistry, English and gym with Bella, history with Emmett and Alice, Calculus with Jasper, and no classes with Rose but lunch, which I had with everyone. Sadly, I had homeroom and Spanish alone.

The principal released us to start our day, homeroom being first to get forms and more information, which Alice walked me to so I didn't get lost. Once inside the building, not surrounded by my friends, my anxiety returned. Thankfully, there was an overhead up, showing our assigned seats so the trouble of deciding where to sit was eliminated. I went to the back corner of the room, only receiving a few glances as I passed. The room filled up rather quickly and the seat next to me was soon filled by a girl named Lauren, who wasted no time with small talk.

"Edward Masen, correct?" she asked, snapping her gum.

"Yes," I replied.

"Lauren Mallory. So, you makin' friends here? Got a girlfriend back home?"

"Yes, I've made friends," I told her, avoiding her blunt second question.

"Cool, with who? Jess said she's seen you around town with Swan and them."

"Yeah, we hung out a lot this summer."

"Look, Edward," Lauren said gesturing for me to come closer. "You seem like a cool guy so I'm gonna tell you right now to stay away from Bella Swan and her friends, they're not who you want to make friends with."

"And why not?"

"They're outcasts, freaks. I mean, Emmett and Rosalie are okay, but the rest of them just...there's something-" By this time, my face was red and the girl in front of us whipped her head around to glare.

"Don't listen to Lauren, New Guy. She's just jealous because the boys want Bella more than her and they're not Rosalie Hale wannabes like the rest of the pathetic girls in this school," the tall brunette finished, her glasses sliding down her nose. Lauren huffed and turned to the other side of me and rolled eyes with someone else.

"Thank you. My name's Edward, by the way." The girl smiled before turning around completely.

"I'm Angela Weber, my boyfriend and I usually sit with all of them at lunch. I'm a little protective of my friends."

"I can see," I told her, smiling.

"So, Edward, what class do you have next?"

It turned out that Angela had Spanish with me so that class was relatively painless, but even with my friends in classes; I was still ready for lunch because I still hadn't seen Bella since this morning.

When Alice, Angela and I entered the cafeteria, I let out a deep breath. I'd see her in only a few minutes.

I had no idea why the need to see her was so great, but I feared that it was going to end me.

The three of us made our way towards the back of the room, where I could see Emmett sitting down already with a full tray.

Alice stopped us abruptly.

"Oh, shit. She didn't..."

"What, Alice?" I asked trying to see over the crowd in front of us.

"She's already picked someone, hasn't she?" Angela asked warily. Alice nodded before turning to me.

"Edward, before you freak out, you have to know she does this every year. It's not a big deal and it never lasts and-"

That was when I saw _her_.

And the guy she was wrapped around.


	12. Chapter 12

**August 20th-11:30am**

I could feel Alice tense beside me, her eyes darting quickly between me and the scene before us.

I couldn't move, couldn't blink, but I felt my face twist in a way I could not control. My heart was in my stomach, as heavy as a ball of lead. I knew I needed to look away but I couldn't. My mind was screaming in hopeless devastation.

She had kissed me.

_It had been a mistake_.

_Why did _I_ have to be the mistake?_

"Edward, come on. We need to let these people through the door," Alice said softly, gently grabbing my arm and leading me to the table. I didn't respond but followed her anyways. Emmett looked at me then to Alice before asking her, with a full mouth, what my deal was. She lied, saying I just wasn't feeling well. Emmett nodded and continued eating his pizza.

I got in line with Alice, where she held my hand in hers.

"Are you okay?"

"Sure," I muttered, still not looking at her.

"It won't last," she said reassuringly.

"Oh," I replied, voice monotone.

"Is it that big of a deal?"

"I didn't think it would be...can we talk later? There's a lot of people here." She nodded as Jasper and Rosalie joined us in line.

Once we had our lunches and were back at the table, my heart started to pound painfully. I discovered that Bella's new man was Tyler Crowley and they had gotten together three days ago.

"Tyler, this is my friend, Edward Masen. He's new this year," Bella said, smiling at us. I turned my attention to Alice, who was giving Bella the iciest stare I'd ever seen.

Tyler lifted his head in recognition and returned to eating his potatoes. I said a polite, quiet 'hello' and continued picking apart the bagel I bought.

I could feel Bella's eyes on me, but I refused to look up. I couldn't look up. I knew that the moment I did, I would be a puddle on the floor.

He touched her a lot. Sometimes it would just be a brush of the hand or he'd pat her arm. Other times he'd put his arm around her waist or her shoulder.

It stung all the same.

I knew we weren't together and I had no claim whatsoever over her...but still. The feeling wasn't rational or reasonable, but it wouldn't go away.

This is what dying must feel like.

I had two classes with Bella in a row, then a study hall to clear my head and the final class of the day with her along with the drive home. I didn't know if I could make it, but I convinced myself that I could do this and get over this silly crush by the end of the day.

I walked behind Bella and Tyler towards Chemistry; thankfully, he went a different way to gym, so I didn't have to sit through another hour of hell. Once Tyler was gone, Bella slowed down so she was walking next to me. I allowed myself to look at her, only to find her staring up at me, eyes questioning.

"What?" I asked as we approached the door.

"You look like you're dying," she observed. "School's not _that _bad."

"I'm fine. I don't look fine?" I thought I had been doing okay with keeping my face in check.

"It's your eyes...they're so dark..." she trailed off as we took our seats at a lab table.

I just stared at her as our teacher entered the room and started speaking. He talked for half the period and let us start a worksheet for the last half an hour.

It was surprisingly easy to talk and joke with Bella again. It was like almost nothing had happened, save for the sinking feeling I felt in my stomach that remained there through study hall and into gym.

I entered the gymnasium to find Bella chatting quietly with Ben, Angela's boyfriend, whom I had met at lunch. She looked up when she heard the door close and a wide smile took over her face. Ben continued talking as Bella gestured for me to join them, grasping my hand when I did.

Ben stared at us, a small, confused smile creeping onto his face. He was about to speak, but the coach ordered for us to go to our respective locker rooms to get our uniforms and locker assignments.

I walked with Ben, talking comfortably with him as we went through the process of getting ready for a year of Physical Education hell.

Thankfully, we didn't have to change today since we were just going over rules and were to sit on the bleachers when we got everything we needed. They called our names alphabetically, which I assumed was the same with the girls, so I was out of the locker room before Bella. Ben and I sat up near the top of the bleachers, him telling me about the people in school-certain people who I should look out for. Lauren Mallory, who was unfortunately in our class, was one of those people.

Bella entered the gym after a few minutes, a small frown on her face as she walked towards us up the bleachers. Lauren said something to her as she passed, causing her frown to deepen. She said something back before holding her head high and trying to walk tall the rest of the way, though she didn't get far before Lauren said something once more and she tripped over the next step, effectively falling on her face. I shot up as soon as she fell getting to her as quickly as possible. The coach was climbing to her as well, while Lauren snickered with the girl next to her, who I recognized as Jessica Stanley.

"Masen, take her to the nurse," Coach ordered after seeing the ruby liquid running down Bella's face. I nodded, pulling her up and holding her close as we walked down the bleachers and out of the gym. Her expression was miserable when we got to the main office and the nurse just laughed, already having her file on hand.

Bella had a cloth pressed to her nose as well as a cold compress to keep some of the swelling down. When the bell rang signaling the end of the day, Tyler walked into the room, shaking his head.

"Babe, what happened?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

"I tripped in gym," she whispered, her eyes welling up with tears. He laughed as he put his arm around her shoulder.

My jaw clenched.

"You and your clumsiness. Come on, I'll drive you home," he chuckled, getting to his feet. Bella looked up at him, and then shifted her gaze to me, where it stayed when she replied:

"Actually, Ty, Edward's going to drive me home, thanks for your concern," she got off the couch on the clinic, hopped onto my back and ordered me to take her home. I laughed genuinely as we left Tyler staring after us as we made our way through the parking lot. Everyone was staring.

I couldn't bring myself to care.

Because she'd chosen me over him and that was all that mattered now.

Later that day, it still didn't feel like school should be starting up again-it was too hot. Too humid. I sat up from my face down position on my bed, where I had been going over reading lists and curriculum for the school year. I took a deep breath after I opened my window and lowered the ladder. I was ready to sleep and I wasn't sure I'd make it until Bella came.

We had spent a few hours after school at her house, watching TV and laughing at the shade of purple her nose was turning. I still didn't know what Lauren had said to her to make her fall and Bella refused to say. When I'd asked, she just shrugged and attempted to distract me with whatever was on the television screen.

The uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach remained, even after I'd gone home for dinner, where I was asked the standard questions by my mother: How was school? Were people nice? Do you have homework yet? I answered them accordingly before stealing away to my room.

I had my iPod playing very quietly on the desk, lulling me to sleep when I heard Alice's voice break through the peace.

"We need to talk," she said. It was coming from the open window across from mine.

"What about, Alice dear?" I heard Bella respond, an air of disinterest in her voice.

"Tyler Crowley."

"What about him?" Bella asked, her voice still too calm.

"Why are you with him?" Alice asked. I could almost hear her fist clench.

"He asked me to be...and well, he's a decent guy," Bella replied as I heard a book being slammed shut. "Hey! I was reading that!"

"I don't give a shit. What were you thinking?" Alice snapped back.

What are you getting at, Alice?" I could hear the exasperation in her voice.

"What about Edward, Bella? What about _him_?" My heart thundered as I heard my name and the sad tone of Alice's voice. It grew very quiet as Alice awaited her reply.

"He's a good guy. I'm not...we're friends." Bella's voice was impossibly small.

"The hell you are! I see the way he looks at you, how he's _always_ looked at you, and Bella I know you've fallen even harder for him." My heart skipped a beat before pulsing frantically on.

"I...he can't," Bella murmured so quietly I barely heard her.

"He can't what?" Alice demanded.

"Love me, it's not even possible."

"Are you insane? Of course it's possible! It's already happened!"

"Look, Alice. It doesn't matter. I'm not good for him, you know that."

"No, Bella, what's not good for him is having to see you playing tonsil hockey with Tyler as soon as we entered the lunch room," Alice nearly shouted. My face turned red. I wasn't sure if I wanted Bella to know all of this.

"What? Is that why he was acting like that all day?"

"Duh.".

"So, what? You want me to break up with Tyler? I can do that but Alice, this isn't going to work," Bella said, deflated.

"I'm not telling you how to live your life, but I think you should, and it would work. Do you remember that what you told me before summer began?"

Bella remained silent.

"You had been wishing for a way out, Bella," Alice continued. "And I know Edward isn't a plane ticket but he makes you happy. I haven't seen you like this since Charlie and Renee went to couples therapy during the sixth grade."

"But it isn't fair to him," Bella said so quietly I barely hear her. "He's too good for me, as much as I want to…it's just, if I'm drowning, I don't want him to go down with me."

I heard the springs of the bed shift as Alice sat down.

."But what if he's the one to pull you out?"

"He...but...I don't know Alice."

"Just at least think about it, I have to get home, but please don't underestimate him," Alice said before I heard a door close quietly.

I spent half of the night doing several things: wondering how Bella would handle the information she had been given, how _I_ would handle it, and finally I was trying to tune out the quiet cries I could hear from her room. I wanted very badly to go over and see what was wrong, but then she would know I had heard _everything_. And that was the last thing I wanted right now.

Around two, I heard her start to climb the ladder and crawl in through the window. I felt as she crept into bed and whisper my name before asking if I was awake. I pretended to be fast asleep. She sighed as she laid down, kissing my neck softly.

"I wish that I knew what to do you with you," she whispered so quietly, I barely heard it.

_Me too,_ I thought, trying to breathe steadily as she lay her head down on my chest, grasped my shirt in her hands and kissed my neck again.

After two weeks, my hopes were starting to die. I mean, they were definitely up when she dumped Tyler the day after her talk with Alice and ten seconds later, her hand was in mine as we headed to class.

At first, I thought she'd mention something pertaining to hers and Alice's conversation but she never did. I could tell she was slowly distancing herself and it was taking its toll on me. My parents were noticing that I was eating less. It wasn't intentional, I just wasn't hungry and Emmett told me to stop PMSing. After almost three weeks, I was lying in my bed on a Friday night, waiting for her to come through the window, but she never did. The irrational part of my mind took over and I got out of bed. Her window was still open and the tree next to it looked pretty sturdy. The ladder was not an option since no one was there to attach it right. However, I did use it to escape my room.

Climbing the tree was easy...the hard part was getting from the tree to her room without waking her parents or mine. At first I tried to just step to it, but it was too far from the branch I was on. There was a closer one to the window, but it was smaller and thinner. Taking a deep breath, I got up the branch as quickly as possible before climbing swiftly through the window.

"What are you doing here!?" I heard Bella hiss from behind me in the darkness. I turned around, staring at her. She had her pajamas on already and her hair back in a ponytail, but there was a book and a flashlight lying on the bed next to her.

"Where were you tonight?" I asked breathlessly.

"Here...?"

"I mean, why didn't you come over?" I took a few steps closer to the bed.

"I don't know," she muttered, biting her lip.

"You've been so far away lately," I said as I finally reached her.

"I know, I'm sorry," she replied, looking up at me.

"You can't disappear like that, it makes me," I paused as I tried to think of the right word. "Anxious."

"Again, sorry?" Her tone suggested otherwise.

"Why are you being like this?"

"Being like what?"

"Like you don't give a shit about any of this."

"Edward," she began, but never went on.

"Well, do you?"

Her eyes changed. They were harder than before. Harsher.

"You need to know, Edward, that the last thing I want to do is hurt you."

"You're hurting me," I croaked, taking a seat next to her on the bed.

"I know," she said quietly. "I just need some time. To figure things out. Can you put up with me for just a while longer?"

Though I knew that I needed to be stronger, more resilient to her requests, I only nodded. There was nowhere else I could-or wanted- to go. I was hers whether either of us liked it or not. I would do nothing _but_ put up with her for as long as she let me.


	13. Chapter 13

**September 13th-2:34am**

We laid in silence for a while, the only sound in the room was the tick of the alarm clock on Bella's bedside table and the occasional sigh on her part. Finally, she spoke.

"My birthday's tomorrow and I have to have dinner with my parents and some family friends, but when I get home tomorrow night, we're all going to Rose and Jasper's for the night. I hope you can come." I smiled and told her that I wouldn't miss it for the world.

"Good," she said mid-yawn.

"Go to sleep, Bella," I said softly when I saw her hooded eyes. Her responding smile was lazy as she twisted herself around in the sheets, her spine digging itself a little painfully into my ribs. I could only smile and try to catch some sleep.

When I left that morning, I kissed her on the forehead, careful not to wake her, and made my way back to my room.

I slept in my own bed until ten, when my mother woke me up.

"You look...better?" she said when I sat up in bed.

"I was sick before?" I asked, totally confused.

"No, maybe, I don't know," she replied. "Maybe I'm just going crazy in my old age." I scoffed.

"Can I go to Port Angeles with Alice today?" I hadn't even asked Alice if she had plans, but I had to go regardless.

"Sure...may I ask why?"

"I have to get Bella a birthday present," I answered, getting out of bed. She didn't argue as she left the room and let me get dressed.

Alice was already downstairs when I was finished getting ready, which threw me because I hadn't even asked her to go yet.

"You still need to get Bella a present!" I nodded wordlessly and walked out the door, not sure if I should mention to her any of my conversation with Bella from last night.

But nothing gets past Mary Alice Brandon.

"I see that weird expression on your face, Mr. Masen. And Bella was crazier than usual this morning when I brought her breakfast. Spill it."

I hesitated, but her accusing glare broke me and the words started to flow from my lips.

"Interesting," was all she said, texting someone and not pressing the subject further. This was strange because Alice always had something to say.

"That's all you have?"

"For now," she said, ominously.

I cracked a nervous smile as she shoved her phone back into her pocket and faced forward, glaring at the threatening clouds in the sky.

After several silent moments slowly crept by, I finally asked Alice what she got for Bella's birthday. She beamed at me before replying:

"Oh, nothing special just an old copy of _Wuthering Heights_. Like, first edition old," she said like it was the most non-special thing she'd ever done.

"Your skills amaze me, Alice," I praised, my mind reeling because I'd never be able to top that.

"I know. So what are you going to get her?" I hesitated for a second, before confessing that I had no idea. Alice gasped in horror before launching into a lecture on proper gift giving and planning.

* * *

After wandering Port Angeles for almost two hours, I was ready to give up on finding her anything special and just get her a gift card. Alice looked like she was going to shoot me. I was about to suggest we go back to the car when I saw _it_. A sagging, faded building declared itself a thrift shop. The door was open and I could smell the dust. Alice tried to hide her grimace as we stepped inside, but was unsuccessful. I smiled as I looked around. The room was dim, lanterns hung around, barely illuminating old posters on the walls and rows of shelves all around. I wanted to buy the entire store, but held myself back, reminding myself that this shopping excursion was for Bella. I wandered slowly for a while, picking up knick-knacks and old postcards and t-shirts and setting it all back down, completely immersed in the whole place. I'd have to ask Bella if she'd ever been here.

I had collected a few records and the coolest jacket I had ever seen for myself by the time I found what I was getting her. At the back of the store, where it was cooler than the rest of the building, sat a slew of musical instruments, from Violins to drum kits.

It was in my price range. It was old, and beat up but had character.

It was perfect.

I stepped forward, letting myself smile as I picked it up. I didn't even hear Alice walk up beside me.

"A guitar? Really? Look, it's got a scratch on it! And someone wrote on it with sharpie!" I ignored her as she pointed out its flaws, her distaste growing with every word.

"I know, isn't it perfect?" I couldn't stop grinning.

* * *

My foot was tapping anxiously as I waited for Bella to come and get me. I had the guitar wrapped up in a sheet and a bow tied around it lazily; it was an odd shaped gift and I was hoping she wouldn't guess what it was.

I glanced up at the darkening sky, it was twilight already and the stars were slowly making their way out. The Swans' car finally pulled up the street and into their driveway with a small Volkswagen following close behind. Bella jumped out of the car, seeing me and holding a finger up, saying she'd be ready in a minute. I nodded, my shoulders relaxing when I saw her clumsily run into the house. Renee stormed in after her, her purse clutched in her hand. Charlie stood next to the car, staring after them before turning his attention to the car behind him. A tall boy was at the passenger door, helping an older man into a wheelchair.

"I'm sorry about them, Billy and Jake...they never stop fighting anymore." I heard Charlie say.

"It's alright, I know how Bella is, it was my fault ," the younger man said, shifting from foot to foot nervously.

"Yes, Jake knows better than that," The older man, Billy, I assumed, said. Charlie was about to interject when the front door flew open as Bella jogged quickly over towards me, her mother following close behind.

"What makes you act this way?!" Renee shouted, waving something in her hand around wildly. Bella kept making her way towards me.

"Goddammit Isabella!" she screeched, throwing whatever was in her hand onto the ground.

Bella finally reached me, shoving me against the wall of my house and kissing me full on the mouth. Her hands tangled in my hair and I could hear her mother gasp in horror.

"Isabella Marie Swan," she cried, but was ignored. Once we broke apart, Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction of the Hales' house, her eyes staring blankly ahead.

"What was that?" I asked once we were a good distance away from her house.

"That was...a complication," she murmured as she looked up at me. "I'm really glad you're with me right now."

"Me too," I replied softly as we reached our destination, loving the way her cheeks had reddened. The door swung open to reveal Alice, arms crossed and not amused.

"You two are _so_ adorable," she drawled, not a single emotion coming out in her voice.

Bella muttered something before stomping past her to the finished basement.

"Way to go," I said to Alice, who seemed completely unnerved.

"Do you want to explain the scene I just witnessed down the street?" she prompted.

"I wish I could, she just kind of did it," I stuttered out, my skin growing too hot.

"Jesus," Alice breathed. "This is becoming quite a mess." I felt my stomach drop a little.

"We'll talk later, let's go before they send someone up after us.

I nodded as we made our way down the hall and to the basement. Everyone else was already gathered around in a circle on the floor, gifts in hand and I finally remembered I'd been holding her guitar the entire time.

We took turns giving our presents, Bella's face lighting up with every tear of the paper. Rosalie had gotten her a faux pearl necklace along with a gift card to some store so Bella could get her ears pierced. Jasper and Emmett combined their efforts and bought her tickets to an upcoming concert-she wouldn't show anyone who she was going to see, and the two gift givers laughed and kept their mouths shut.

Of course Bella shrieked with pleasure when she opened Alice's gift, her eyes growing wide and I think her hands actually started to shake.

I was worried how she would like the guitar as I handed to her, eying her curious expression. She took her time opening it, and gasped when she saw what it was.

"Oh..." she murmured breathlessly.

"I just thought that you wanted to get one...and it was just too, _you_ to pass up," I said, rubbing my neck.

"It's perfect. So perfect." She allowed her fingers to trace over the scratch on the front of it and read the messy scrawl written in sharpie.

"_And after all, you're my wonderwall,"_ she read the Oasis lyrics, her voice shaking ever so slightly. Alice glanced at me, knowing something I didn't.

"Thank you," Bella whispered. I only smiled.

We decided to put in a movie, after Bella said she was tired and we could do something else later. Everyone agreed and started to couple off. Alice sat in Jasper's lap on the floor, his fingers tracing circles on her hand mindlessly. Rosalie and Emmett lay on one couch. I fidgeted nervously, not exactly sure what I should do, so I stayed put on the floor. Bella scooted herself next to me and kept her eyes trained on the television.

"Thank you again...you have no idea how much that means to me," she whispered, reaching her hand out for mine.

"It was nothing," I muttered, putting my finger under her chin and turning her face to mine. She breathed my name quietly.

"Mind telling me what happened earlier?" Her brow furrowed at my question. "Please?" I prodded. Her resolve weakened and she opened her mouth to speak and-

We were interrupted by the doorbell.

Bella jumped a foot away from me and Jasper only scoffed as he got up to answer the door, turning the lights on as he went.

We sat there, Bella's eyes focused intently on the television screen once more, while I glanced around at everyone else, suddenly nervous. Emmett was still watching the movie, his hand absently rubbing Rosalie's knee. Rosalie was staring at me thoughtfully while Alice rolled her eyes exaggeratedly in my direction.

When Jasper came back downstairs a moment later, he had a small, newspaper wrapped gift in one hand and an envelope in the other.

"It was on the stoop. It's addressed to 'Bells'," Jasper said cautiously, his eyes fixed on Bella nervously.

I watched as Bella paled and stood up before taking the items from Jasper.

"Fuck this," Alice muttered under her breath as she got up and started to drag Bella upstairs.

"This bullshit needs to stop," she hissed. I heard Bella say something quietly else before Alice slammed the door shut. Jasper's shoulders slumped as he walked back to the couch a took a seat next to his sister. Emmett paused the movie and looked around at everyone, gauging reactions.

"What's going on?" I asked.

Rosalie eyed me warily, running a hair through her blond hair. I could hear a wail coming from upstairs.

"Welcome to ex-boyfriend hell."

,


	14. Chapter 14

**September 13th-9:06pm**

Bella and Alice were gone for a very long time.

I sat anxious and impatient on the floor, the silence between Rose, Emmett, Jasper and I was uncomfortable and charged with the need to discuss _something_.

Rosalie continually glanced at the stairs and opened her mouth, before quickly snapping it shut.

Finally, Emmett sighed.

"Just spit it out already, Rosie." She stared at him for a moment before turning to me.

"She won't tell you what's going on," she began abruptly. "Bella doesn't work the same as the rest of us and it's because of all her issues with her mom and some shit that's happened over the past few years. I like you, Edward so I'm just letting you know that if you want to be with her, you're gonna go through hell-your spirit's going to be broken and your heart probably crushed. I'm sure you've talked to Alice about this, but she's all sunshine and rainbows and vague about everything and can't be honest with you. I'm not saying you shouldn't get deeper into this because Bella is one of the best people I know. She's just going to fuck you over."

I blinked slowly a few times while Emmett just kind of stared at the both of us before a cautious smile appeared on his face.

"Well said, Rosie."

* * *

**October 30th-10:00am**

Rosalie was right of course, Bella never mentioned what had happened and who had sent the gift, nor did she further explain why she kissed me on my front porch. We spent almost every moment we could together though, and it was the best time of my life.

Except that Rosalie's speech still haunted my thoughts, always in the back of my mind. I was constantly waiting for her to break down again and leave our...whatever it was. The thought of it sent my pulse racing and made my stomach churn.

Her mood was bright the past few weeks, but I was walking on eggshells.

"So what are your plans for tomorrow?" Angela asked from the seat next to me. I blinked, remembering that I was in Spanish, oblivious to whatever assignment we were supposed to be working on.

"What?" I asked trying to remember what tomorrow was.

"What are you doing for Halloween?" I felt my eyes widen with recognition and a small laugh escape from my lips.

"I completely forgot that was tomorrow! I have no idea, probably just give out candy or something," I said, smiling as the bell rang.

"Well, that sounds nice," she said, packing up all her stuff.

I nodded and made my way to the cafeteria, catching up with Alice on the way.

"Hey, party at Newton's house tomorrow, wear a costume," she said. I stared at her confused. Mike Newton was not a friend, was he? Alice rolled her eyes.

"It's a party, it's probably better that we don't like him-I'll feel less guilty trashing his house," she giggled, running a hand through her hair, making it stand up in a wild, Alice way.

I was waiting in line for pizza, half listening to Jasper tell me a story about his math class when I felt a small, cold hand slip into mine.

I automatically smiled and looked down, enjoying the way her mouth pulled up in the corners.

"How are you today?" I asked as Jasper let out an irritated sigh.

"Fine, I got back my English paper—aced it!" I congratulated her, remembering the painstaking process she went through to ensure her grade-which involved two pots of coffee and about as much tears. "So, Alice told me we were going to Newton's tomorrow." I nodded. "What are you going as?"

"I'm not sure...probably something average and cliché so I can blend in," I told her with a grin, watching the annoyed expression on her face appear.

"Edward," she whined. "Can't you be original for once? I'm going as Lauren Mallory-I'll be the scariest thing there for sure," she said, proud of herself.

"Ha, you would," I muttered shaking my head at her.

"And I am," she laughed. I felt my heart flutter, my hand squeezing hers tighter.

* * *

"Could you please stop moving around so much?! I swear I'm going to punch you." I laughed nervously as I tried to stop fidgeting, not wanting to face Alice's  
wrath.

"I mean," she began. "I don't have to be helping you put this damn costume together"

"I didn't ask you to," I pointed out. "I could've just bought one at Wal-Mart.." I could hear her scoff.

"Wal-Mart? Why not just go as a hobo then?" I rolled my eyes, because frankly, she was ridiculous. "Besides, if you _must _go as a total cliché, let me make it fabulous." I sighed before putting in my pair of fake vampire teeth-the finishing touch on my costume...and it didn't even seem like a costume. She dressed me in black dress pants, a gray button up shirt, finishing the look with a few drops of red paint near my mouth. She assured me that this was better, because I wouldn't be _too_ dressed up. I waited for her to finish fraying the bottom of my pants before leading her out of the house. Alice, of course, had on a short, flowery dress and a tiny pair of wings, a child's wand in hand. It looked like her costume only cost a few bucks, but she made a point of telling me that the dress was _designer_.

We sat on my stoop, discussing (more like arguing over) the best candy when Bella finally arrived. Her hair was pin straight, she was wearing the nicest blouse I'd ever seen her in (green and low cut, too) and a short, pink skirt. It didn't really match, but you could tell she was about the style—not coordination.

"What is _that_?!" Alice shrieked. Bella just shrugged, grabbed my hand and pulled me in close.

"My costume, silly Alice," Bella replied, smiling at her. I heard Alice muttering behind us, but I ignored her as we walked slowly down the street into town-we were meeting everyone else there-towards Mike Newton's house.

The Newtons lived in an average sized home four blocks from us. I glanced warily at the brick house, where the music could already be heard from the end of the road and cars lined up in the street. Bella tightened her grip on my hand as we neared the house, her nails digging into my skin.

Mike greeted us at the door, a red Solo cup in hand. I nodded at him, silently laughing at his attempt at looking like James Bond.

The living room was crowded and dark, vibrating with music and I couldn't recognize anyone in their costumes.

"JASPER!" I heard Alice shout above the music from my left. I looked over in the direction of her shouting to see Jasper, dressed as a pirate, followed by Rose in a long white dress and who I assumed was Emmett wearing an ape costume.

Once together, we all proceeded to go outside where Jasper claimed there was a small fire-i-t was less crowded and obnoxious, as he put it.

He was right, there were only a few scattered people in the backyard, including Angela and Ben, who dressed up like they came straight out of Harry Potter. They waved us over from their seats around the fire and we sat together for a good twenty minutes before Bella said she was going to get something to drink. We all nodded, still immersed in whatever gossip Rosalie was spouting off.

I didn't realize how long she'd been gone until Alice pointed it out. We all looked around and coming to the conclusion that she wasn't outside, I quickly made my way inside, worried that she has gotten herself into trouble. She was capable of anything.

I found Jessica Stanley in the kitchen, sipping hard lemonade, dressed as Barbie and staring at Mike Newton across the room. Another girl was standing next to her

"Hey, Edward," she said, her voice a little higher than usual.

"Hi, Jessica. Have you seen Bella by chance?" She rolled her eyes.

"Saw her by the stairs a few minutes ago, but really, her costume sucks, why do you like her so much oh my god," Jessica rambled, probably reaching maximum tipsiness as she nursed her bottle. I wondered how many she'd had. The girl next to her looked a little further gone than Jess and was sticking her chest out at me, holding onto the counter for support.

I thanked her and ignored the sideways glances from her friend before pushing my way through the crowded living room. I caught a glimpse of her going through the front door and shouted her name, but she couldn't hear me over the music. I wove my way to the door, reaching it shortly after she'd passed through it.

Her hand was entwined with someone else's, who I vaguely recognized as the giant from the night of her birthday Jacob, I think his name was. I didn't know what was going on, but she heard the door close and slowly turned her head to look at me, her face expressionless. Jacob said something quietly to her, and she leaned into him, breaking eye contact with me and lead him away from the house and out onto the street.

I was forgotten completely, standing on Mike Newton's porch staring after them.

And I wasn't upset, or hurt or dying.

I was _pissed_.


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry for the delay, classes have started and i've been busy busy busy. hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

**December 17th-12:00pm**

I hadn't spoken much to Bella the past month and a half. I only held conversation when she talked first, and I kept it brief. If I were to get over this, I would need to cut myself off.

The night of Halloween, I watched them wander out into the night; I numbly made my way back to the group in the backyard. Alice immediately knew that something was off and was by my side almost instantly.

"Oh no," she said quietly. "Where is she?"

"Who knows," I grumbled, looking around to see if there was a drink anywhere. I found one on the table next to where everyone was sitting and chugged it. It burned as it went down, but it made me feel warmer.

"Edward," Alice warned.

"She's with _Jacob_," I spat miserably, going inside to find more to drink. Alice was hot on my heels.

"No no no, that's impossible. She hates Jacob. She does, you must've seen wrong," she tried to reason with me, I just filled a cup with whatever was in the punch bowl on the kitchen counter. Alice took the cup from my hand and set it down on the counter. I grabbed it and drank it before she could take it away again, then explained to her the scene I witnessed Mike Newton's porch.

"She just looked at you? And walked away with him?" Her voice was incredulous . I nodded and filled up another cup.

"Getting drunk isn't going to fix this, Edward," Alice said quietly. I couldn't meet the worry I was sure was in her eyes.

"Yeah, well, it will for tonight," I said.

And it did. I didn't get shit faced but I was drunk enough that my heart didn't feel as if it was imploding. Alice and Jasper walked me home, keeping me as quiet as possible as they got me into bed, not wanting to wake my parents.

"Why doesn't she love me?" I slurred, touching Alice's hand as I sat on the edge of my bed. Her face crumpled and she walked away. Jasper patted me on the back and lead Alice out of my room and out of the house. I watched them walk down the street and an intense jealousy burned in my bones. They kissed and walked with their arms around each other and were _happy_.

I laid down on my side, facing Bella's window. It was dark, and the light did not come on during the time I was falling asleep.

I did not see her for the rest of the weekend. I stayed home, nursing my hangover and catching up on schoolwork. At school, I made no move to talk to her; our conversations were brief and cold on both ends. I wasn't sure if this was a rational way to behave, but it was the only way I could think of to work her out of my system. Especially when I had to see Jacob come and go from her house every other day. I had taken the hint, I was no longer needed to keep her company. None of this was hard to do-Bella fell away from me smoothly as I struggled to keep my distance. I had to force my eyes away from her distant stare. I had to wipe away my smiles and grimaces.

At school in the classes we shared, I sat a row in front of her so I couldn't spend the hours staring at her. If she didn't need me, then I certainly did not need her.

Lunches were the hardest. At first, we both sat at opposite ends of the table, talking to different people. A group discussion was becoming impossible, though at first the others had made an effort to bring us back.

I could see the strain this was putting on everyone else, so I began to go to the library occasionally. They all began to realize that things were not getting any better between the two of us and stopped trying to fix it—except for Alice, who constantly reminded me how stupid we were being.

Bella, though, made no move to be near me. She never came to the window. She never looked at me. Never spoke to me. At night, I could see that she kept a light on and I could see her sitting in her bed, reading. I never saw anyone else in her room with her. I never saw her go outside unless she was getting in an unfamiliar car that I came to recognize as Jacob's. During the day at school, she spoke quietly to Rosalie and Jasper mostly, occasionally to Alice and Emmett, but rarely me.

And of course, most nights I ached to see her. I missed the warmth of her smile and deepness of her eyes. I missed the way she always laughed too loudly and hated scary movies and licked her lips. She was my best friend and I was completely in love with her but she was fickle and careless with all I'd had to offer.

But I still could not tell which pain was worse—not seeing her at all or seeing her rip me apart while I held her hand. I figured the only way to find out was to see if I could live without her, to at least try to see if this way was any better. In my mind, I was making a choice to be without her, while in reality, it seemed that there was only one option.

This _situation_ was driving Alice up the wall. I tried to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself when it came to Bella, because I didn't want to put her in an awkward position. She reluctantly told me that she was seeing less and less of her friend, who was spending most of her free time with Jacob in La Push, where a lot of the local Native American tribe lived. I'd grimaced at the thought, but concealed it quickly.

* * *

I sat uncomfortably in my biology seat, waiting to see Bella when she entered the room on the last day of school before winter break. This was nothing new. As much as I tried not to, my eyes remained glued on her until she was out of my line of sight. She didn't make eye contact with me but I stared at what she had slowly become over the last few weeks. The circles under her eyes had taken on a deep purple and her cheeks no longer held their usual pink tint. I wondered if she was getting sick.

She was still the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.

I stared straight ahead as she sat down, hearing her plop down into her chair and lay her head on the desk heavily. I turned my head towards her quickly, seeing her eyes closed, breathing even and a small smile barely gracing her chapped lips.

"Stop staring at me," she murmured quietly. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not staring."

"I beg to differ," she drawled, her eyes remaining shut.

"Not sleeping well?" I chanced.

"Hardly at all anymore." She opened one eye at me as she said this, and I couldn't help but wonder (or wish) if it was because she wasn't in my bed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said in a monotone. She let out a sharp laugh before slowly lifting her head, just as the teacher entered the room.

As I turned back around, I heard her scoff. I tried to take diligent notes about genetics but I was suddenly hyper aware of the girl behind me. Every breath she took was heavy and her fingernails tapped the table rapidly. Eventually, I heard her rustling and then a moment later, she was out the door, books in hand.

I did not see her for the rest of the day.

My mother was in the living room when I got home, putting up decorations on the Christmas tree.

"Edward! How was school?" she greeted enthusiastically, stringing lights over the pine needled branches.

"Fine," I replied flatly, tossing my backpack on a nearby chair.

"Doesn't sound like it," she said, handing me a box of ornaments. I took the box with an irritated sigh. I was not in the mood for this.

"What's gotten into you lately?" she asked, pursing her lips and staring at me.

"Nothing," I muttered, not meeting her eyes as I began placing the bulbs on the tree. She turned away, not speaking for several minutes, allowing an awkward silence to overcome us.

"Bella hasn't been around lately..." she observed as I tried to not cringe at the mention of her name.

"Yeah, we just...yeah," I stammered, not knowing what to say. I set down the now empty box as I excused myself before I headed out the door to play video games with Emmett.

I was spending more and more time with him because Emmett didn't do drama. He wasn't sending me heartbroken stares like Alice. Even Jasper occasionally tried to bring the subject up. Emmett only wanted to kill zombies and eat pizza and not talk about our feelings.

That night as I was walking back home, I heard screaming coming from the Swans'. It was female and mostly angry, with what sounded like Charlie's voice occasionally interjecting at a much softer volume. On the stoop sat Bella, hunched over and hugging her knees tightly to herself. She was shivering violently.

I contemplated going to her. That makes me seem completely horrible—_of course I should go to her!_-but I wasn't sure if it was my place anymore. However, in not much time at all, headlights swung into her driveway and as the car door opened, I braced myself for Jacob to come sweep her off to wherever they went.

I was surprised to see Jasper getting out of the car and rushing to her side, pulling her up and back to the car, rubbing reassuring circles on her back. He drove them down the street and took a fast right, disappearing behind the next row of houses.

I stayed outside for a while later, just standing in the snow and feeling an intense mix of emotions hit me as I went up to my bedroom.

Guilt, for not going to her when she was obviously in a bad way. Awkwardness be damned, she needed someone.

Jealousy, for seeing someone else step up, for her accepting the interaction, because she still made my heart pound hard in my chest.

But mostly, I was just tired. Trying to hate Bella was more exhausting than loving her. I wasn't sure how long I was going to last and the worst part was that I felt that I'd waited too long. That there was no going back. There had been times where I just wanted to fall at her feet and hug her legs and beg her to let me cook her dinner for the rest of her life, but I just wanted to push this a bit further. I was no longer sure if I was trying to prove to myself that I was self-sufficient or trying to prove to her that I needed more, that I couldn't put up with this indecisiveness any longer.

The worst part was that it felt like she didn't even notice.

Sometime later, I heard a car door slam and before I knew what I was doing, I was out of bed and running down the stairs.

Bella was waving goodbye to Jasper as he pulled out of the driveway. Her porch light wasn't on and I could only see the darkness of her shape, her outline illuminated by the street lamps.

"Hey!" I shouted at her, the word tumbling from my mouth, more loudly than I'd intended. This was it. The moment of truth. I was going to finish whatever this was once and for all.

I saw her jump and place a hand of her heart.

"Are you _trying _to kill me?" she hissed, turning to face me. As she did, the light caught her face and her ratty sweatshirt.

"You look like hell," I said, shoving my hands into my pockets as the wind picked up.

"Did you just come out here to insult and scare me or is there something you needed?" The chill in the December air could not compare to the icy tone her voice had taken.

"I'm mad at you," I said, silently berating myself for how inarticulate and tactless I was being. "And you look like hell and I don't know why you do and that sucks."

"Why should you even care?" she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Are you being serious right now?" I said, annoyed. "Why the hell shouldn't I care?"

"Because we don't talk any more, Edward. We aren't friends. You have no reason to care."

"Why is that? Why aren't we friends?" I tried to keep the sadness from my voice, each word was careful.

Bella did not answer and only turned her head so it was in the shadow—her face became unreadable.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked quietly.

Again there was no reply.

"Bella?" My voice was hoarse. Tentative. I heard her take a slow, ragged breath.

"I had to give him another chance," she cried softly. "He still loves me."

Jacob. She must be talking about Jacob. In spite of myself, I had to ask if she loved him back, my heart beating painfully hard as I waited for her answer.

No words came from her lips, just a loud sob and her fist moving to her mouth trying to stop it.

"Bella," I repeated, taking a step towards her. "Do you love him?"

"I could have," she sobbed and sank to her knees in the snow. "But not if I kept seeing you. You made it so hard."

"I don't understand," I admitted, closing the distance between us at last and crouching next to her. Up close I could see the puffiness of her eyes and her nose running and her hair tangled with a scarf wrapped around her neck in a way that was too haphazard to be keeping her warm. I pulled my sleeve over my hand and began to dry her cheeks and nose while she just cried harder.

"Please," she whispered, but I wasn't sure of the aim of the word.

"Please what?" I asked softly, running my thumb over her cheekbone.

"He was going to fix me but I can't be fixed. I'm damaged goods, Edward. I'm a mess, I'm a flight risk and he wanted to change me. He wanted to years ago. But I didn't want to then, but with you here…you made me want to be better."

"But, you're perfect," I interjected. "You are. I love your mess."

She swatted my hands away and pressed her palms to her eyes.

We both spoke our next thoughts at the same time, the words overlapping, but each phrase was clear.

"I love you."

"I'm leaving."


	16. Chapter 16

**December 18th-12:14 a.m.**

When I was twelve years old, I went to my first school dance. I was nervous, because I didn't have a date and the other people in my group were all really good friends. I only knew James, who was in my math class, but he knew everyone else more than me.

I wore a nice polo shirt and jeans and new shoes and was dropped off at the front entrance of my school by my mother. I felt awkward and too tall.

"Have fun!" she called as I slammed the door shut and walked quickly to find my friends, suddenly embarrassed and nervous ten times over.

I'd found the big group I was supposed to be with right by the front door and greeted them as casually as I could. They gave halfhearted waves, the few girls with in our group glanced at me and I was more aware of the zit on my forehead that had formed earlier in the day.

As the night went on, I grew more uneasy about everything. I looked around and realized that I didn't really know any one there. I'd gone to school with these people since kindergarten and I never made friends. I had people I talked to in classes and I had baseball teams to grab some pizza with on the occasional Saturday night. But nothing went further than that.

The strangest part was, I didn't feel one bit of sadness about it.

I looked around and my peers—my loud, awkward peers who dressed like they were older but acted like they were younger—and realized that I felt such an indifference towards them that I couldn't be bothered.

It wasn't until I was sitting in the snow next to Bella Swan's footprints that I realized I was missing out all those years.

When I left Chicago, I had mourned the losing of my house and neighborhood but not for a single person. I couldn't even remember if I had told anyone that I was moving.

But sitting alone next to her footprints, I felt such a crushing emptiness—but not for the girl herself. I felt it for the friend she was, the idea of her. I wasn't sure I had ever known Bella Swan as more than that. The enigma she was slowly fell away and I saw her for what she was. A girl who I knew loved the color yellow, but had no past in my mind. I never knew her past or her thoughts of the future, only the Bella that lived in the here and now, the one that broke my heart and made me laugh in each moment I was with her. Those moments had to background, only that we were in certain place together at a certain time and it never went farther than that.

She wasn't enough to be the anchor I wanted desperately to be—I didn't know enough or try to know enough to change that. She was a bridge to a life with friends. Wonderful people who had a past and a future. I knew that Alice broke her arm when she was six and that Jasper was saving up money to take a cross country road trip after he graduated and that Angela wanted to be a teacher and so on. I had fallen so seamlessly into these relationships that I didn't notice it was happening. I had no time to feel indifferent. I only had time to be silly and worried and happy.

So, even though Bella Swan did not say that she loved me back before she shook the snow from her shoes and went to her house, I was grateful for the friends she had given me—the life she had restored.

And when I went inside later on, I called Alice and told her voicemail that I was sorry for making her sad and that Bella Swan was leaving in four hours and that I wanted to take her to breakfast tomorrow because she had never been anything less than the best friend I ever had.

After hanging up, I fell asleep almost immediately. I don't remember any dreams and it was a restful sleep. No tossing and turning, nothing.

I didn't wake up until after ten the next morning and by that time, I knew Bella was gone.

I felt empty, but I got out of bed and checked my phone- a missed call from Alice was waiting for me.

Her phone rang once before she answered.

"Edward! Breakfast, let's go! Everyone else is coming too, is that okay?"

I knew that I could lay in bed and let that empty feeling consume me until I was tears and nothing, and that sounded appealing to me.

But I hung up the phone and got dressed.

Today I was going to hang out with my friends and I was choosing to be happy.

* * *

Alice and I walked to the diner together, hands stuffed in our pockets and hats pulled down tightly over our ears.

"So she's gone, huh?" Alice asked, a cloud of her breath flew from her mouth. I nodded. "She came to see me yesterday with Jasper. I think she needed to go. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said. And it was true. I wasn't great but I wasn't dying. I was fine. Alice squeezed my arm and asked me what I was doing for Christmas this year.

At the diner, we all ate pancakes and wondered where Bella went and Rosalie said she always disappeared for a few days when things got bad and she'd be home by Christmas.

Christmas came and there was no sign of Bella Swan. I woke up early and unwrapped gifts with my parents and watched It's a Wonderful Life while we drank hot chocolate and it was all very typical of every other Christmas I ever had.

* * *

In January, school started again and Emmett needed help on his SAT prep so all of us spent the next two weeks drilling him about vocabulary. The day of his test, we all had Hawaiian pizza and Alice laughed so hard that Jasper had to perform the Heimlich maneuver. No one heard from Bella.

* * *

In February I got a job at the music store in town with Jasper and bought an old record player with my employee discount. On Valentine's Day, I worked late so Alice and Jasper could go to the movies. I thought about Bella and listened to The Kinks. On Rosalie's birthday, she got a card from Bella in the mail with no return address. It only said: _Rose, happy birthday, love you and miss you. From, Bella._

* * *

March came and spring break crept closer. My mother had been talking about driving down to Portland to see some old friends over the break and I was excited for a change of scenery. I was working at the store after school when Rosalie came in and sat on the counter next to me.

"Did you do the reading for Banner's class yet?"

"Of course," I said. She knew I always had it done.

"I don't understand it," she replied, as she usually did. So I played my part and summarized the chapter. This was our routine on my work days, and I appreciated her company.

I was halfway through my explanation when the bell over the door chimed.

"Incoming," Rosalie muttered under her breath. I looked up towards the door and there was Jacob Black whispering something to the dark haired girl next to him.

"it's not Bella," Rosalie assured me, sending me worried sideways glances.

But I felt okay. Jacob Black was not a threat and Bella had been gone so long that the pain in my chest had dulled some.

"Hey, welcome, let me know if you need any help," I called as per my work routine. Jacob didn't look at me and only gave a halfhearted wave, already preoccupied with the stacks of CDs in front of him. Rosalie watched them carefully while I continued to explain the chapter she didn't care about.

Eventually, they made their way to the counter, Jacob setting a stack of CDs on the counter.

"Did you find everything okay?" I asked, scanning the barcodes.

"Yes," he said and finally looked up at me and Rose, a flash of recognition in his eyes.

"Oh hey, Rosalie, right? And you're a friend of Bella's, too aren't you? I'm Jacob and this is Leah." The girl gave a small wave.

"Nice to meet you," I said.

"Have you heard from Bella lately?" he asked.

"No, I haven't," I replied evenly, bagging the CDs.

"Me either. She's been away longer than she was after her…incident." He paused, searching for the right word. "I wonder what happened. We haven't talked since before Christmas."

"Ah. Well, have a nice day," I said awkwardly, handing Jacob his purchases. _What incident?_

"Thanks man, you too."

Once they were out of the store, I turned to Rosalie, who was very intently staring at her freshly painted nails.

"Rosalie wha—" I was cut off by Jasper coming in through the back door, crashing into the drum set I was supposed to move before my shift began.

"Hey what's up guys?" He paused at the counter and studied us both- my confused stare and Rosalie's focus on anything but me.

"Did I miss something?"

_It was time_, I thought. It was time to let Bella become a real person in my mind. I needed the closure. I needed the final pieces of her to fall into place so I could see the ugly cracks.

"Jasper. I need you to tell me everything you know about Bella Swan."


	17. Chapter 17

**sorry for the long update gap, hope you enjoy. thank you for reading.**

* * *

Jasper shifted uncomfortably for a moment, running his hand through his hair and glancing at Rosalie. She held up her palms to him, shaking her head.

"Don't look at me, Jacob Black just mentioned what…happened," she explained in a way that seemed vague to me, but Jasper's eyes widened with recognition.

"Oh god," he groaned.

"Don't act surprised, you know this was going to happen eventually," Rosalie scoffed. "Just tell him."

"Please," I said quietly. "I just want to be able to let this girl go."

Jasper took a hard look at my face. Though I had been doing relatively well these last few months, my eyes were puffy and tired. Bella's departure left me an insomniac of sorts. I was up late most nights, reading books to calm my mind. It didn't help that I was specifically reading books I had seen Bella with before. I was halfway through _Lolita_ as of last night.

We fell into a charged silence, save for Rosalie tapping her foot impatiently. Finally, Jasper took a deep breath.

"I'm not entirely sure what you want to know exactly, but this is some back story, I guess. I don't know."

And so with that uncertainty, Jasper began his brief history of Isabella Swan.

* * *

For as long as he could remember, Jasper did not like going to Bella's house. Her parents were always so tense and the feeling always hung around him. Bella felt the same way, and whenever her parents were near, she was quiet, her eyes always on the ground. When she was in the sixth grade, her parents decided to try couples therapy, and things were lighter. Jasper recalled her smiling more, having actual conversations with her mom and dad.

However, when Bella turned thirteen, her parents quit therapy and it didn't take long for everything to go back to how it was—if not worse than it had been before. There was more shouting and this time around, Bella was a part of it. She'd always come to Jasper after these screaming matches. His parents were divorced and he was far less intimidating to talk to than Rosalie. They grew very close over the next couple of years. Jasper knew all of her secrets, and she knew all of his. Even things Alice didn't know. And he saw the way she slowly began to fall apart.

Jasper explained that Bella had always been a little bit…manic. She was so passionate about everything. It was not uncommon for her to call him in the middle of the night to tell him about this Buddhist teaching she'd read and how she had drawn ten lotus flowers on her legs so she'd remember it in the morning. She devoured books and ran two miles just because she felt like it and baked six dozen cupcakes for a charity bake sale the night before they needed them. She was fast and spontaneous and silly but there were times that Bella would miss four days of school in a row and stop talking to everyone and no matter how hard he tried, Jasper couldn't get her out of bed. She would cry to him about Tibet and the ocean and most of all, her parents.

It was around this time, the winter after she turned thirteen that she got her first boyfriend. Then her second. Then her third. This was nothing unusual; plenty of kids at school were holding hands in the hallways and sneaking away during football games at the high school, jumping from person to person as the months wore on.

However, Bella Swan wrapped herself up in the boys she liked. She was in love at the drop of a hat and those boys would do anything to stay near her. That is, until she grew bored and distant and annoyed. And when that happened, she would cry to Jasper that she didn't want to be like her mother. The problem was that Bella never elaborated _how_ she was being like her mother. She wanted to love people how she read about. She wanted to take her passion she had for books and the world and put that towards a single person for more than a month. Jasper assured her that she was loving, that all of her friends were proof of that but she kept insisting that it wasn't the same and that she was just like her mother and she wondered what it would feel like to die.

This was when Jasper started to worry. She never expressed these thoughts with anyone else (as far as he knew) and he kept a close eye on her, trying to make sure he knew where she was and how she was feeling. Their first year of high school was much of the same. More boyfriends, more exes, more feelings of inadequacy and loss.

It was the spring of her freshman year when Bella began seeing Jacob Black. She had known him all her life, their dads were close friends. As they'd grown older, they didn't see each other as often but the Blacks hosted a cookout one day in April when the weather was nice and they'd had an instant connection.

Jacob Black was proving to be different. They were together for three months before problems began to arise. Bella began her usual drifting but Jacob held on tightly to her. He claimed to love her and he would do anything for her to stay, he didn't want her to throw this away. Bella kept pushing him away and he grew frustrated and heart broken. He said that she was just like her mother, fickle and cruel and she would never love anyone and eventually people would be tired of her bullshit.

That night, Bella called Jasper crying as she did often and relayed the conversation. She sobbed that he was right and that she, and everything else, was hopeless.

Jasper asked if she needed him to come over but she said no, she was fine, she was going to bed.

Two days later, he learned that Bella Swan had tried to kill herself that night.

She was not in school the next day, which was not unusual and Jasper hadn't thought much of it. However, when she didn't answer any of his phone calls, which was also not unusual. However he went to check on her after the second day of no word from her. A woman he didn't recognize answered the door and once he gave her his name, she wrapped him up in a tight hug and invited him inside.

Her name was Esme and she was a longtime friend of Bella's dad. Esme explained tearfully that Bella had overdosed on her father's blood pressure medication and sleeping pills and she was at the hospital, where she was under suicide watch for the next few days.

Jasper and Alice went with Esme that night to visit her and he said that he had never heard Alice wail so loudly, that he could never forget that cry for as long as he lived. Bella was in a hospital bed, looking gray and sad and small. She reached for their hands and Jasper cried for the first time in years. Bella was his best friend and she had given up. He almost had to live his life without her. She wiped away their tears and said she was sorry and that she was going away with Esme when they let her out of the hospital.

And she did. Bella did not return until the end of the summer before her sophomore year. She explained on the phone to Jasper that summer that doctors were tossing around words like _mania_ and _bipolar disorder_ and _anxiety_ but she wasn't clear on any diagnosis.

When she came back, she was her old self. Her group of friends watched her carefully and had made sure that they kept this incident between themselves. They didn't want the whole population of Forks High School to know her secrets.

The year went by as it usually did, things only moved more slowly. Bella had her boyfriends, but she was more cautious, though just as fleeting. Throughout the year, Jacob Black tried to contact her, but she stayed away from him. Alice blamed him for everything that had happened but Jasper was more understanding. He knew Jacob must have been consumed by guilt, but there was nothing he could do. That spring, Bella was on a boy break. She had made a resolution to focus on herself as she did those boys. Things had been going well, and then I moved into the house next door that summer.

* * *

"The thing was, it was like she was a new person when you started hanging around with her," Jasper explained. Rosalie nodded enthusiastically. "She glowed; I'd never seen her so excited about anything. You were all she talked about."

"She loved you," Rose said quietly. "She really did and it scared her. She never admitted that, probably not even to herself, but she did. We could all see it."

I swallowed hard. None of this was making me feel any better. I saw the cracks but they weren't ugly. They were real and there for me to see and think about clearly. With less mystery surrounding her, I saw her as the girl she was and it broke my heart and burned my stomach with frustration. I wanted to make it go away and tell her that it was okay to let me help, but that was putting too much confidence in both of us. It wasn't my place to _help_, whatever that meant.

I thanked Jasper and Rosalie before I went home that night, ambivalent with this new information. It was like old wounds that had scabbed over were fresh again, but in an entirely new way. I'd misunderstood and imagined too much about Bella and now my perspective had shifted in a way I wasn't sure I was comfortable with.

That night, I finished _Lolita_ and did not sleep at all.

* * *

"Edward, we're almost there," I heard my mom call softly from the front seat. I sat up, a kink in my neck and sleep in my eyes. We were on our way to Portland to visit with the Cullens, friends of my parents from their newlywed days when they lived in Oregon. It had been four days since my talk with Jasper and I think I slept a total of seven hours since then.

I looked out the window to see that we were in a very nice neighborhood, the houses were old and decently large, huge trees grew along most of the streets. The sky was clear and the sun was out. I hoped it was warm, even though it was only the end of March.

We turned into the driveway of a two story yellow house with ivy starting to crawl up the front, where large windows looked out on the quiet street.

"It's more beautiful than I remember," my mom sighed. "Edward, do you remember ever coming here? You might have been too young." I shook my head and fought off a yawn as we got out of the car.

Mrs. Cullen squealed when she opened the front door, pulling my parents into a big hug. When she let them go and saw me, she smiled warmly.

"Oh my, how much you've grown! I remember when you were still in PullUps! Come give me a hug!" It was a nice embrace, very kind and familiar.

"Dear, you look exhausted," she said, holding my face in her hands, scrutinizing it the way Jasper had days ago. "Go lay down in the sun room—it's very relaxing, I'll show you where it is." I followed her through the house, letting my eyes wander as we walked. In the living room, there was on wall devoted entirely to photographs where I saw my most recent school picture hanging next to a picture of my parents with the Cullens on a beach.

"Everyone is out at the moment, so it should be relatively quiet for the time being," she said, opening a white door leading out to a room with walls made almost entirely of windows. It was warm, but not uncomfortably so, as some were open to let some air in. There was a large olive couch off to the side of the room scattered with multi colored throw pillows, and an old oriental rug in the middle of the room, its grand golds and reds were fading. Shelves lined the walls attached to the house, books filled all of them. It was a cozy room and I thanked Mrs. Cullen as I sat down.

"I'm going to take your parents into town—we're going to grab some lunch and take a trip down memory lane," she laughed. "We'll bring you something back. Just rest, dear." I nodded and laid down, burying my head one of the pillows.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I heard a crash, followed by an expletive on the other side of the door. I had only just lifted my head when the door knob turned and the door opened.

Bella Swan stood before me, wearing a large sweatshirt, her hair half pink and a book wrapped up in her arms.

"Oh," was all she said.


End file.
